Social Anxiety

- 11 Why do I care?

I want to talk about things I don't understand about my Social Anxiety, and a couple of other things. These are my personal thoughts, I'm worried that maybe someone will feel attacked?

I don't understand what I'm scared of, or why. I know I'm scared of people and social interaction. That's the thing I know, but I always question myself why am I scared of this? Am I scared that they will judge me?

I literally always tell myself that I don't care, because I don't understand why I am scared but I always know that I care. I care so much about people judging me and things like this.
Just the tiniest mistake makes me wanna stay home for more than 1 week but again I don't understand why.

It's true that most of the people you see on the street you will never see again and there isn't a reason to be scared that they judge me and so on but why do I care so much even when I tell myself that I don't care?

This is really confusing. I mean, for school it's different. In school, better to say in class, these people are people that you will see for years and it's scary for me that they know who I am, because there are so many embarrassing things that happen and they know your name, they won't easily forget about it.

But caring about something like this seems like a habit because of the anxiety. I don't understand why I have all these worries around my best friend. I've known her for almost 9 or 10 years but it's still hard to ask for the easiest things and after all of that I'm so worried that I was strange or something like that.
But again I don't understand why.

Tbh, I don't know how to act around people? I really try to seem outgoing but it always ends that I'm embarrassed of myself.