Brave (Sequel to Beside You)

Chapter Four

Ashton's POV
I can't believe today I was burying my daughter. A week ago we were holding her tiny lifeless body for the first and only time. Now we were burying her. It had been pretty silent between me and Aria. We didn't have anything to say to each other, apart from talk about funeral arrangements. Aria had spent most of her time in bed, putting on a front whenever anybody came around. Only I got to see what she was like when we were alone and it scared me. She won't eat, she won't sleep, she lies in bed crying and there is nothing I can do. I'm hurting too but I have to be okay for her sake. I felt completely helpless.

One night I woke up after falling asleep on the couch, it hurt too much to listen to her cry herself to sleep again. I walked upstairs to find the door to Isla's untouched bedroom open a jar. I opened the door slowly wider thinking we might have an intruder. I quickly turned on the light to find Aria sat in the corner of the room, holding one of the Lion Michael had brought her. She had brought her knees up to her chest and she was sobbing into it. I grabbed her arm lightly to pull her close to me. She flinched a little, which was odd. She leaned into me but by now I was suspicious. I took her arm again, she didn't have the energy to stop me. Sure enough there were several freshly made cuts on her wrist. She cried harder as I pulled her tighter into my chest.
'I'm sorry, it won't happen again. I'm sorry' she whispered repeatly. I started to rock her, crying quietly hoping she wouldn't hear. Luckily she fell asleep in my arms.

We hadn't told the fans yet. We wanted to take the time to grieve first. I think today will be the day that we do that. I know our fans, and I know they will give us the space and time that we need. We've kept quiet this week, with barely any activity on any social media and the fans were getting restless. I decided to send a tweet and statement out after the funeral.
The funeral is being held at a small church in Australia, near where we were staying. We had been in Australia for a few months as the band was on vacation.

Only the closest people to us had been invited to the funeral. My mum, Lauren and Harry, Michael, Crystal, Calum, Nia, Luke, Arzaylea, Dougie, Ellie (Dougies girlfriend), Theo, Christian (another of Arias brothers) even flew in and Raf and Matty (Aria's bestfriends).
It was a beautiful ceremony, lots of tears from all members of our party. But she was finally laid to rest. I made sure to get the headstone made before the ceremony, so everything was ready. It read 'In loving memory of Isla Marie Irwin, born sleeping with the angels 23rd February 2015. We will always kiss you goodnight baby girl. Forever loved and never forgotten'. Both me and Aria got our hand prints done to go on either side of the writing with the words mummy carved under hers and daddy under mine. There will always be a piece of us with her.

On our way back to the house, I sent out a blank tweet in which I attached a picture which was a screenshot of something I had written in the notes app on my phone a few days ago. The note read 'It is with great sadness that Aria and I break this news. On the 23rd February 2016 our beautiful baby girl Isla Marie Irwin, was born sleeping. We ask that during this time you give us space and time to grieve. We love you all'. I sent out another tweet with a close up picture of mine and Arias hand holding Isla's. I captioned it 'Forever loved, never forgotten'.

After we went back to the house where my mum had put out some food. No one was really in the mood. They all had heavy hearts. No parent should have to bury their child. But that is what we just had to do. As soon as we got through the door Aria went upstairs carrying a box we were given by the hospital. It was full of the pictures that they had taken of Isla and of us with her. They even got her hands and feet printed for us and put them in the box. It was the only things that we had left of her. Memories. Aria had been so strong today I was so proud of her. It was quiet in the house and as soon as I heard our bedroom door close I heard a loud cry.

Aria's POV
I had just had to bury my daughter. All I had left now was this box that the hospital put together of pictures and her hand and foot prints. It wasn't meant to be like this. Why did it have to happen to us? What did we do to deserve this? What does anybody do to deserve this? No parent should have to bury there own child. It's all my fault. I don't know how I couldn't make sense of anything right now. Nothing made sense, none of it. But it was all my fault. Somehow, I killed our daughter. It was me, it had to be. This has been going round and round in my head for days. But it was my fault. I hated myself, I hated my body for doing this.

The urge was just too much, but I knew I couldn't do it. I made a promise to Ashton. I slipped up once I couldn't do it again. He looked so disappointed before. It wasn't fair on him. But then again what part of the situation was fair. I collapsed onto the floor, the pain in my chest becoming too much. I let out another loud cry of despair and just lay there sobbing into the carpet. Seconds later Ashton came rushing in, he looked so scared. He scooped me up in his arms and put me on our bed. He ran around to the otherside and led down, he pulled me closer to him and let me cry into his chest. His arms were wrapped around me so tight it was if he was trying to keep me from falling apart, but it was too late.

Ashton's POV
I sat in the living room a few hours later playing random chords and notes on the piano. Then it came to me. I started playing a slow melody. I quickly got my phone out and pressed record on my voice recorder. I started playing the melody again, before the I started to sing the lyrics conjuring themselves in my head.

'Lie down,
Just forget the world,
And your worries,
Calm down,
Don't be so absurd,
It's not the first time i've seen you cry,
You don't have to be so brave tonight.'

I heard soft footsteps on the other side of the door, and heard the slight pressure of someone putting their ear to the door. I decided to ignore it and carry on playing. As more lyrics came to me.

'Let me hold you're heart,
Let me be the one,
You never have to feel so alone,
Let me bring you back to the world back home,
Let me mend your broken soul.'

I heard the footsteps retreat, I got up quickly and opened the door before they got away. Sure enough there Aria was, the tears rolling down her face becoming the norm.

'Sorry I didn't mean to disturb I came down for some water.' she said timidly. I walked towards her and pulled her into my arms not saying a word.

'That was beautiful' she whimpered, I just squeezed her tighter. It was all for her.