Brave (Sequel to Beside You)

Chapter Twelve

Aria's POV
I can't believe I have already been back in my home country two months. They have just flown by. I and Dougie have done so much. We went to the zoo the other day that was incredible. We've spent so much time on the beach, just lounging in the sun and playing in the ocean of course. It was nice to spend so much time with him. We don't get that much opportunity anymore.

Today however was the start of my new job as a part time HCA/administrator. It had taken a little longer than expected to sort everything out, but finally it was done.

I hadn't seen much of Theo while I had been here and hadn't yet seen Raf either because they have both been working so much. Raf has text me a few times telling me how much he can't wait to see me. We really do need to catch up it has been a while, but I know that I will have to explain what has happened between me and Ashton. I'm not sure if I could do that yet. All the memories lead back to our angel who was so cruelly taken away and it still hurt to think about her. Although the pain will always be there, I do believe that the pain was slowly beginning to numb.

Theo gave me a lift to the hospital as he was working this morning too. He took me straight to the emergency department and into the locker room. He told me a bit about the system and what happened and that I would mostly be working on the reception. If it got busy and they needed an extra pair of hands then I would act as a HCA. He took me down to the staffroom where we found Raf. I ran into his open arms immediately, it had been way too long. We both had about half an hour until our shift started so decided to have a cup of coffee and catch up. He started telling me about what he'd been up to since we had last seen each other. He then asked how I'd been coping since losing...her.

'Aria, you know you can't hide anything from me. I can tell you are struggling and I have asked Theo.' I explain.

'Then why ask Raf? If you know why ask?' I snap, tears beginning to fill my eyes.

'I wanted to know if you were still trying to hide behind this fascade.' he says seriously.

'You really want to know how i've been Raf? You really wanna know? I have been a mess for coming up six months now. I lost my child Raf! To top that off I have lost the love of my life, because I couldn't see how selfish I was being. I completely pushed him away and now he wants nothing to do with me. It's harder because I have to try and let go of two people instead of one, and trust me that is proving hard enough. I cry myself to sleep every night hoping when I wake up that Ashton will be led next to me, and our little girl will be next door in her cot stirring in her sleep. That's stupid I know because she is dead and she is not coming back. So I have to try and pick myself up and hope that by hiding behind the mask maybe i'll forget everything and it will be okay again. I know this all sounds pathetic, I mean I can't even say her name how stupid is that!' I yell, suddenly collapsing to the floor in a flood of tears.

'Aria, I'm so sorry. Come here.' He said pulling me up into his strong arms and giving me a hug.

'I'm sorry Raf, I'm just so tired of feeling like this. I find myself thinking will it ever get better, because at the moment it doesn't feel like it. That is what made me start cutting again.' I sobbed into his chest. He looked at me shocked.

'You started cutting again?' he replied, disappointed.

'Don't give me that look Raf, I've had enough of it. Don't you think I'm already disappointed in myself. I thought Theo might of mentioned that anyway' I said, angrily.

'No he didn't say anything about that. I don't think he even knows Aria. You've stopped now though right?' he asks seriously.

'Yes I have. I haven't done it since I've been here. That doesn't mean I haven't had urges, but I've stopped myself. I go and find Doug and sit with him or play the piano if I feel like I need to, you know...' I confess.

'That's really good Aria. I'm proud of you, you know that. It will get better. It might not feel like it right now, but it will. One step at a time. The loss of Isla will always be there, but you will learn to accept it and move on.' Raf explains sincerely.

'I've missed you Raf. You always know that right things to say.' I smile weakly.

'What are best friends for? If you are ready we best start our first shift together.' He replies, excited.