Brave (Sequel to Beside You)

Chapter Forty

A few days later
Ashton's POV
Finally I'm on a plane back to my home country of Australia. This last week had been agony. I'd barely slept, I just couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes I just kept thinking of bad scenarios that might happen when I saw Aria. Almost every interviewer since Sunday Brunch had asked us what was going on. Although I feel we had done well at getting ourselves out of that question.

I'm not going to lie but I have contacted Aria since I receive her letter. None of the boys knew it and I didn't know whether she had read it or not because she hadn't responded. The message only said two words 'I'm Sorry'. I didn't know else to say, and I was completely sorry. She was already in pain dealing with the loss of Isla and then I went and put her through so much more. All I could do was hope that she would forgive me. It had taken too long for me to realise that I really couldn't live without her. I'm not sure I ever thought that I could, but the realisation hit me when I listened to her answerphone message.

The guys had decided to come to Australia with me. It was a good opportunity to see our families, as we don't get to see them as much as we'd like anymore. Once we had landed and collected our luggage, which felt like it took ages, we all went to meet our families. I was so pleased to see my mum; I hadn't seen her since the funeral. I miss not seeing my family so much, I feel like I'm missing the big parts of my little brother and sister lives.

The family home wasn't far from the airport, just about a forty minute drive. We were back in no time. As soon as I had opened the front door, Lauren and Harry came running out. I gave them both a hug before carrying my luggage up to my old room. I dumped my bags on the floor and led on my bed. There was a knock so I just told the person on the other side to come in.

'Hey.' Lauren said, softly.
'Hello you.' I replied patting the space on the bed next to me, for her to sit down.
'How are you feeling?' she asked.
'Jet lagged.' I chuckled, and she smiled back at me.
'Ash, what's going on between you and Aria? I don't understand what happened. You never told us.' She said. It was true; I had never told my family what had happened between me and Aria. I think I never told them because I felt ashamed. I decided now was the time to tell her what had happened.

'Well after what happened with Isla, Aria just spiralled out of control. She wouldn't sleep and she started cutting again. She would put on a mask when people were around, but when it was just me and her she was constantly crying. I was scared to leave her alone because I was afraid she would do something stupid. I couldn't lose both of them.' I explained.
'So you walked out on her? Ashton, that doesn't make sense.' She said angrily.
'Lauren you don't understand. Eventually it felt like I was suffocating. I hadn't had time to grieve for myself, because I was too busy staying strong for Aria. I just needed time to process the fact that I'd lost my daughter on my own. Dougie understood, he gave me the go ahead. When I got back from seeing him, I found her covered in blood because she had punched the mirror. She just kept saying that she hated herself. I couldn't take it after that. I phoned Dougie and he came straight over to keep an eye on her. I left and went to Michael's.' I finish.

'What's going on now? Everyone was talking about your performance on that British TV show.' Lauren enquired.
'Well I hadn't heard from her until about a fortnight ago. She phoned but reached my answerphone, she left a message. So a few days later I phoned her and she told me that her phoning me was a mistake and that she was sorry. She hung up before I could say anything. That phone call prompted what happened on that show. I got Michael to text her a few hours before we went on air. I still don't know if she watched.' I confess.
'So you haven't heard from her since.' Lauren said, sounding disgusted.

'Well...after we had finished performing I got a text from one of her best friends, Raf. He asked me to meet him in the café across from the studio. So I went. Obviously I knew it was about Aria because why else would he want to see me. He told me that she was going back to Australia and he gave me this.' I said, pulling out the letter she had wrote me. I had kept it with me ever since. She read the letter slowly, taking everything in.
'She's doing it for you Ash. You asked for space and she's trying to give it to you. If she didn't still love you I don't think she would do it. I think deep down its killing her. I don't think this was an easy choice for her. If you still want her Ashton, then you have to fight for her.' She says, seriously.
'Why do you think I'm here? Of course I'm here to see you guys, but the one thing I want to do while I'm here is see Aria.' I explain. There was a moment's silence, as we both sat deep in thought.

'Tomorrow is the anniversary.' I whisper, a stray tear cascading down my cheek.
'I know.' Lauren says solemnly.
'I go up to see her every week when. Mum and Harry come with me when they can.' She continued. I look at her in surprise.
'I didn't know that.' I say quietly.
'You know her death didn't just affect you two, it affected everyone. We all lost someone. We might only be her Aunty, Uncle or Grandmother, but we still miss her Ashton. She still left a whole in our lives.' Lauren ranted, tears beginning to fall down her face.
'I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I haven't been around.' I say, pulling her into my chest. We sat there for a few minutes before Lauren pulled away.

'So what are you going to do about Aria?' she asked, standing to leave.
'Well, I'm not 100% sure yet. I'm still coming up with a plan. But I need to think of one soon.' I reply, she nodded and left the room.