Behind The Masks Of Blood ;hes;

Chapter 57

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Chapter 57

        My heart was at the edge. I was breathing but not breathing, feeling but certainly not sensing anything. I can see two guys laughing at something on the other side of the street. I can see a girl making out with her boyfriend passionately. I can see an old man crossing the road as a man in a black car shouts for him.

      I can see everything. But it feels so slow, as if I have an hourglass that I can turn upside down anytime I want, and everything would stop.

     The Tsunami in Indonesia, the tides in every sea around the world. The man that is selling a great amount of weed. The thief, the pain that I could only feel at the moment.

      Was it the time to go? I wanted to live. Even if I was who I am. Even if I got invisible scars everywhere in my life, even if I had times where I just wanted to be buried breathless, lifeless under millions of dirt layers. I couldn’t bear the thoughts of leaving forever.

            When I started to feel normal again, everything collapsed making a huge noise, disturbing my calmness.

       Tears gathered as overthinking loaded. I couldn’t just not care, knowing my day is very close. And that I was going to it by myself.

     I felt sick. For a moment I wanted to throw up. The other I wanted to get drunk that I wouldn't feel the slightest pain anymore, that my brain cells don’t feel like brain cells anymore. I wanted to feel light.

      I wiped away the tears of weakness. I hated crying. When I was smaller and my mother would reproach me, or scold or yell at anything,  even when my tears feel so hot, so heavy to be carried I would swallow it. I would rather show her I wasn’t scared. Or in other means I wasn’t small.

        I would cry in my room, then promise myself I wouldn't do it again. When I hit fifteen I started to have nightmares, I would wake up panicking, sometimes my mother would hear my muffled tears, but she wouldn’t dare come in my room. She knew I hated to be weakened.

      When I hit eighteen, I started to get panic attacks every now and then. I suffered anxiety for a year, due to the event I had a year before.

     But I wasn’t weak. I always fought. I will always fight.

        

    I got in my car, ready to drive off a cliff but I refused the thoughts immediately.

    Two days. Is all I have now. I have to think greatly into what I was going to do with Alice. I have recently discovered her abilities, she can seduce you, even when you don’t feel the slightest attraction. I should be in charge this time.

    I adjusted the rear mirror as I bring my car to life again.

        My phone vibrated beside me. I Looked quickly at it not missing a second before catching it and pressing it to my ear.

     “Hello mother.”

    “Sweetie, how are you?”

        “Great, glad I heard your voice. How are you?” My voice was hoarse. I tried to clear my throat more than once, so I can sound normal.

      “I am good. Just worried about you.”

     “What? Why? I am good.”

        “I felt my chest clutching, I rapidly thought you were in danger.” She sighed.