Inkblots (WILL TRY TO REVIVE)

2: Don't

Trust and respect is what we do this for. I never intended to be next but you didn't need to take him to bed that's all.

- Ed Sheeran (X)

She stood there. She stood and held my hand so tight you'd think it might break.

I too stood there, but I did not meet her gaze.
I know all too well that I would just falter if I do. I would just give in to her wishes to just stay by her side despite what she did to me.

I closed my eyes and reminded myself why I have to do this. I closed my eyes and thought how many times she did this.

"Please Heaven. Let me go." I said trying to keep my voice even. But instead of doing of what she was told she held it even tighter.

"Heaven. Stop this." I commanded her, and finally met her gaze. Her brown eyes were now brimming with tears.

How I hate seeing her like this, how I hate her having to go through this. But I have to. Edward you have to. A little voice in my head chanted.

"Heaven. We are over, please stop. I am done with everything. I am tired. I am so hurt. Please just let me go." I said meaning every word that came out of my mouth.

"But Edward. I love you." She said as soon tears fell from her eyes and cascaded down her cheeks. I held myself back from wiping them away. Pull yourself together Edward.

You love me? Heaven you just had fuckin sex with this guy. I wanted to lash out but I kept my cool.

"No Heaven, you don't. You are just saying that to make me stay. Do not be selfish." I said and finally I had the guts to forcefully take her hands off of me as I recalled how she looked when I saw them.

"You just need me. You just need me to assure yourself that even everyone else leaves I will be here. But no Heaven, I am done." I said with finality and left her inside the restaurant.

Finally as I settled inside my car tears fell. They fell as if there is no tommorow. It hurts me so much that after everything she could never love me. Not in the way I want her too.

Maybe I was too good to be true.

Maybe I was never fun.

But whatever her reason was, my heart broke as I recalled how he kissed him. She could have just told me. She could just have broke up with me properly.

Why is she even asking me to stay? Does seeing me like this make her happy? Seeing me miserable?

What have I done not to deserve her? I loved her. I loved her even in that state I almost lost myself. I loved her enough to fight for her. I loved her enough but why can't she?

Why?

What was not enough?

I wiped my tears away and finally drove off. With no destination in mind I let myself get lost in the streets, took whichever turn I please.

And finally I ended up in some place.

Some place quite. Some place I could think.

I sat there on a bench near a children's park, the sun was setting and the sky was filled with orange with little patches of pink and blue.

I breathed deeply and tried to calm myself as thoughts of her came into my mind once more.

Could I ever trust my heart again to love?

Then my phone suddenly rang indicating that someone is calling. I took it from my pocket and saw that mom is calling.

Quickly I answered it.

"Edward. I have been trying to reach you since 1. Why haven't you been picking up? I am getting worried." She said without a pause. I chuckled as I sensed worry in her voice. Mom hasn't really changed has she?

"Mom. I am fine. And besides I have already agreed on going on a vacation in the Philippines so please calm down." I said as I smiled as if she could see me.

"I know. I am just worried about you, and besides you need to get in here now. I want to see you." She said as she finally tries to sweet talk to me.

"Yes mom I will go home in there, I am still packing my things." I lied.

"Okay. We'll be waiting." She said and finally ended the call.

This time I will make sure to take care of my heart, and maybe this time I should build my walls higher just to see if anyone is sincere enough to love me.

And maybe.

Just maybe I could love again.