Marble Hornets CRACK CRACK CRACK!

Gay or European

Me: There, right there! Look at that tan, well tinted skin! Look at the killer shape he's in! Look at that slightly stubbly chin! Oh please, he's gay, totally gay!

Alex: I'm not about to celebrate every trait could indicate, the totally straight expatriate! This guy's not gay, I say, not gay.

Everyone: that is the elephant in the room, well, is it relevant to presume? That a man who wears perfume is automatically medically fay?

Alex: But look at his quoft and crispy locks!

Me: Look at his silk translucent socks!

Tim: There's the eternal paradox!

Alex: Look what we're seeing!

Me: What are we seeing?

Alex: Is he gay?

Me: Of course he's gay!

Alex: Or European?

Everyone ..... Ohhhh............... is he gay or European? It's hard to guarantee Is he gay or European? *everyone looks at Tim*

Tim: Well hey, don't look at me!

Jessica: Well you see, they bring their boys up different in those charming foreign parts. They play peculiar sports,

Everyone: In shiny shirts and tiny shorts! Gay or foreign fella? The answer could take weeks! They both say things like "Ciao Bella!" While they kiss you on both cheeks!

Jessica: Oh please!

Everyone: Gay or European? So many shades of gray!

Tim: Depending on the time the French go either way.

Everyone: Is he gay or European? Or-

Jessica: There, right there! Look at that condescending smirk! Seen it on every guy at work! That is a metro-hetero jerk! That guy's not gay, I say, no way!

Everyone: That is the elephant in the room! Well is it relevant to presume? That a hottie in that costume

Jessica: Is automatically radically

Alex: Ironically chronically

Me: Certainly, pertin'tly

Tim: Genetically, medically

Everyone: Gay! Officially gay! Officially gay, gay, gay, gay-

Jay: *cuddles me, smiles wide* <3

Everyone: Dammit! Gay or European?

Tim: So stylish and relaxed!

Everyone: Is he gay or European?

Alex: I think his chest is waxed.

Me: But they bring their boys up different there, it's culturally diverse! It's not a fashion curse,

Everyone: If he wears a kilt or bears a purse! Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code!

Me: Yet his accent is hypnotic, but his shoes are pointy toed!

Everyone: Huh. Gay or European? So many shades of gray!

Jessica: But if he turns out straight I'm free at 8 on Saturday!

Everyone: Is he gay or European? Gay or European? Gay or Euro-

Tim: Wait a minute! Give me a chance to crack this guy I have an idea I'd like to try!

Alex: The floor is yours.

Tim: *walks over to Jay* So, Mr. Merrick. This alleged affair with Ms. Locke has been going on for?

Jay: Two years.

Tim: And your first name again is?

Jay: Jay.

Tim: And your boyfriend's name is?

Jay: Brian.

Everyone: *gasp*

Jay: I'm sorry! I misunderstood! You said "boyfriend", I thought you said "bestfriend"! Brain is my best friend!

Hoodie: You bastard! You lying bastard! That's it, I'll cover for you no more! People! I have a big announcement! This man is gay AND European!

Everyone: Woah!

Hoodie: And neither is disgrace!

Everyone: Oh!

Hoodie: You need to stop your being completely closet case!

Everyone: D'oh!

Hoodie: It's me not her he's seeing, no matter what he says! I swear he'd never ever ever swing the other way! You are so gay! You big parfait! You flaming boy in cabaret!

Jay: I'm straight!

Hoodie: You were not yesterday. So if I may, I'm proud to say, he's gay!

Everyone: And European!

Hoodie: He's gay!

Everyone: And European!

Hoodie: He's gay!

Everyone: And European and gay!

Jay: Fine, okay! I'm gay!

Everyone: Hooray!