promises of the past

I Promised Myself

Manik stood there gaping at Naira. He hadn't expected it to be something like this. He imagined that it would another one of Naira's sweet memories with Abhishek but this one was clearly not a sweet one.

Tears were sliding across Naira's face but she still continued. "I woke up in the hospital two days later. I couldn't understand anything for a moment but then I remembered it all, the accident. I got up and looked at the people that were standing in my room. But Abhi wasn't there. I thought maybe he was out or anything, so I just asked the nurse that were was that guy who was with me. As soon as she heard that, she gave me a sympathetic look and just shook her head. I couldn't understand what she was trying to say, so I asked her what she meant. That's the moment when she said it. She just took my life away from me. He said Abhi couldn't survive. As I had woke up, Abhi on the other side just went to sleep forever. His wounds were too deep and even after attempts, they couldn't be healed. I knew this couldn't be true, I knew she was lying to me. So I ran outside, freeing myself from all the people that were trying to hold me. There I saw his parents crying like their life was over. As soon as they saw him, their expressions changed to that of anger and disgust and that's when I knew, he was really gone. It had been all because of me. If I had just agreed with Abhi and stayed home, then he would have been safe and sound, still breathing. But no, I don't care about anyone, do I ? I'm just so stubborn and selfish that all things I do, hurt others."

Manik could see it in her eyes that she blamed herself for all of this. From that day since,she hadn't moved on from that point. Stuck there she faced those storms of self doubt everyday and questioned herself. So trying to make an attempt to calm her down and make her understand, he went near her and said," Naira it wasn't because of you. It was an accident. None of it was your fault. It was just a normal thing you asked for."

Naira pushed him away and in an angry tone she said,"Please stop pretending ! Everybody keeps saying those things to me but I know that inside their hearts, I am the one who they blame. That day I saw it in everybody's eyes. They looked at me like I had killed Abhi myself and that's true to some extent. I did kill him."

Manik was going to speak when she interrupted him and spoke again. "That day I knew that my love could bring nothing else but pain. That it couldn't do anything but to ruin the person who means the world to me. That day I promised myself that I would stay away from this weird feeling that always causes harm, that always creates a wreck and that always destroys our small little worlds. Yeah and I tried my best to keep that promise but...."