I find myself just starting at myself In the mirror.
Looking at how many imperfections I have.
Looking at how pretty I could be if one thing would change.
Or how amazing it would be to have a naturally contoured face.
And looking at how life would be if I were skinny. It would be a lot different.
People would like me and boys would look at me and think oh that's actually a girl.
I wouldn't have been bullied. I would be happy.
I start getting dressed wearing a pair of black jeans and a baby pink shirt with a large hoodie over the top. I've never been the type to want to show their body. I just want to look like them.
I chucked some shoes on and grabbed my bag. Feeling hungry I push that feeling to the back of my mind and take some supplements and have a cup of tea. I grab a handful of nuts and leave.
See the nuts are high in protein and low in fat but high in fatty acids which help me focus because I can't always focus when hungry.
〰➰〰
"3 weeks!" Michelle squeals out of excitement.
"I know." I squeal in fake excitement. How the hell am I supposed to loose all this before then.
Our year is going on a trip to Spain and we do lots of activities, and I wanted to loose weight for this because there's also a Dance at the end of the trip.
The bell rings indicating it's Lunch. I let out a deep sigh and walk over to Michelle who's grabbing her books from her desk.
"Tara..."
"Yes.." I say worried about what's about to come out her mouth.
"Well I was talking to Josh on the weekend and he said he wanted me to sit with him at lunch-" she stops seeing the expression on my face. How could she just leave me. "Maybe you could sit as well though."
"No it's fine I have studying to do I was going to go to the Library instead"
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah have fun."
"Ok see you later." The conniving little bitch said. She knows how long I've had a crush on him for.
I don't go to the library I go straight home. I feel tears in my cheeks but swipe them away quickly.
I'm too fat.
I'm too fat.
I'm too fat.
