denly ficlets

dreams

A few months after you left me, the pain is still here. It still weakens every cell in my body, it still breaks me every time I think about it. I won't ever know if there will be someone like you who will love me and who I will love. I want to forget the memories that gave me hope and reason to stay with you, but I do not know how to... and quite frankly, I do not know if I really want to.

I miss my Alyssa and here I am right now, sitting under the tree where we first met, reading the last note she gave me. I brought out a piece of paper that I always kept in my wallet. And as the cold air brushed against my face...

My iron eagle:
        You've always inspired me to do my best. You've been there all the time for me. Even if times were hard, you always found time to be with me. You always understand me, even though sometimes I go overboard. I've never heard you complain about me and Kiefer even if I always complain about you and LA. Den, thank you for all the efforts. No words can express how thankful I am for everything. I am thankful for so many things, but really, I am most thankful that I shared such a beautiful life with you. I'm sorry if I hurt you. I'm sorry for making you wait for me at times na di ako nagpapaalam. I'm sorry for not thinking about you at times. I know you have big dreams in life, and as much as it pains me, I guess I can only support you as a besh right now. Maybe someday, lalabas din yung katotohanan, but for now, I want you to focus on reaching your goals. I think I cannot help you, for I know I am a distraction. You may not tell me but I know how you cry your heart out until you fall asleep. I know how your heart breaks everytime the management stops me from doing something for the two of us. I admire you for being brave, unlike me right now. Love, I want to stay, but... I am afraid. I am afraid that I may not give the best for you, for us.  I hope you understand, and I'm sorry for not talking to you about this. I still believe that if we're really meant for each other, then maybe somehow, we'll meet again. Love will always lead us back. Good luck, I know you can do it. I love you and goodbye, Dennise.

- Alyssa

It's unbelievable how we were just so happy, but careful. It's unthinkable, but the damage has been done. My heart is broken and there's nothing I can do now. Nevertheless, I should accept the fact that us is now a you and I. I should probably move on, like you did. You are now a multi-awarded volleyball player, still with Kiefer, while I am here, a doctor aspirant, a show host, and a volleyball player, still hoping that it's just a nightmare. I should start healing, as there is nothing to do to bring you back, for now. Maybe I just need to accept the fact that we're done.

I wiped my tears, fixed myself, and stood up.  You had to go so that I could grow. You gave me the chance to fulfill my dreams, so I must do it.

As of now, I think it is time to rectify and take my dreams into my own hands.

~

Kiefer stood outside, waiting for me, as I grabbed my bag from the cubby where I placed my things during training. As I was saying goodbye to my teammates, Ella ran up to me, asking me if I wanted to come with them.

"Anong meron, besh?" I asked her.

"Hindi nagsabi si Dennise sa'yo? Ly, she's leaving tonight."

Leaving? Is she running away? Eloping with LA?

"Tanga ka, besh. Si Den yug sasakay sa eroplano, pero mas malayo nanaman narating mo. She's leaving for Harvard tonight, ihahatid lang sana namin nina Synj. Are you coming?" She asked me again.

"Ah. Hindi na, besh. Kiefer and I are going out tonight." I said, labag na labag nga lang sa loob ko. I really want to come, pero natatakot ako na baka pag nagkita kami, lahat ng sakit ay mabaliwala, at bumalik lang kami sa isa't isa.

"Is it really so wrong for you to be together, besh? You love each other, basang-basa namin kayo." Ella said as she gathered the last of her things and went out. After a few moments, I went out and got inside the car. May sinasabi si Kiefer, pero hindi ko na naintindihan because I was lost in a very deep sea of thoughts.

I did not mean to hurt her, but I knew that it was for the best. I had to let go so that she could grow. It was the most painful thing I had to do, but it was time that I prioritized her. Dennise is the love of my life, so I had to make a sacrifice, even if it meant my world falling apart.

So many things were running through my mind that I did not realise that I was finally at my destination. With that, I walked through the door with the heaviest steps, but with the purest of intentions.

~

2 hours before the boarding time, I was sitting with my parents, siblings, and my friends. Nagulat na lang ako nung si Ella, umiiyak na, so I pulled her close to me. Hindi ko naman pwedeng sabayan yung iyak niya, as mas lalo lang kaming mahihirapan, kaya I let her be.

"Besh, you know that we are always one call away, right? Tsaka, 'wag mong papabayaan sarili mo there ha? Practice medicine for the children, not for yourself. Kami na ang bahala sa mga bagay rito, dok." She said.

"Besh, kabisado ko na lahat ng bilin mo. Alam ko namang mamimiss mo ako nang sobra, kaya know na my line is always open din ha? I will send you my schedule as soon as I receive it. Besh... ikaw na muna bahala sakanya ha?"

"Den, kahit tukmol yun, kaibigan ko pa rin siya. You know na I got you both lagi."

"And I got you, too, Michelle."

~

"And I got you, too, Michelle." I saw her gasp and she was trying to stop her tears. I opened my arms and she just ran to me and shoved her face in my chest. My girl.

"Alyssa... you came." Den said in between her sobs.

"Of course, Dennise. I would not want to miss seeing you chase after your dreams." I said as I hugged her tighter. I could see tita Arlene and tito Mike smiling, as well as the others standing up to give us our personal space. I gave them a thumbs up, and pulled away from our hug so that I could hold her hand and look at her face.

"I guess this is it. I'm following the stars," Dennise said with a smile. One that did not reach her eyes, but one that solidified my decision. I just smiled back, and held her hand a bit tighter.

"Hey Ly, would you wait?" She asked me.

"I love you. And I am willing to wait for you, Den."

"Promise me one thing please?" She said

"What is it?"

"Promise me that you'll never replace me. Mabilis lang to Ly, I'll be back. And we'll be right back where we ended." She told me as I put my face nearer to hers.

"I love you, my Dennise, forever and always, till infinity and beyond, to the moon and back, milk and chocolate, black coffee and creamer." As I said my line when we were still sophomores, she kissed me lightly, and I just put my hand on her waist, sharing a few memories while waiting. When her flight was called, everyone came near us, and we had a group hug. We were all saying goodbyes and then she went to me.

"I love you, my Alyssa. I'll be back." She hugged me as I kissed her forehead. She left and I watched her get past the gates. Tears gushed out, but now I can say that they are tears of joy. I'm very proud of my girl and I will always be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Enjoy the first, ka-lemons! 💓
Originally published: March 23, 2017
Republished: May 31, 2024