Scarred Luna (Completed But In Editing)

Chapter 9

I awoke to an empty bed, my body sore from last night. His side of the bed was stone cold, he'd left hours ago. I involuntarily let my fingers trail up to the mark he'd given me.
It was simple enough, two bite marks with his name written in a black, swirly cursive underneath.

He'd left... he left me. It shouldn't hurt, but the fact that he'd left without so much as a word after...after

I felt my chest begin to tighten and breathing became hard. The beginning of a sob racked my chest and I buried my face in the pillow. The damn thing reeked of him as I tried to be calm my breathing.

No no no, I was not dependent on him. It was fine, if he wanted to leave he could. This is what I had wanted..the freedom. But was this really freedom?

Suddenly my stomach lurched and I bolted upright and ran to the bathroom. I emptied the contents into the porcelain bowl and curled into a ball on the cold tile floor. What was wrong with me?

"Infinity, sweetheart I brought you breakfast", a female voice called from the bedroom.

He'd sent the same pale, dark haired girl no doubt. The one that always looked after me when he left. I didn't even know her name.
I made no effort to move, instead I stayed silent and remained curled into a ball on the floor. Maybe she would go away. "Infinity?", she called and the door creaked open. "Infinity, are you okay sweetheart?", I didn't recognize the woman as she stepped closer, she had the same dark hair as Grey, but her eyes were a brilliant green instead of silver. So he'd sent someone else this time?

I flinched when she laid a hand on my shoulder and my mouth betrayed me by letting a whimper escape. She finally left and I managed to pull myself off the floor. I took in my naked body in the mirror. There were scars everywhere, from a multitude of past injuries that my wolf had never bothered to heal. The largest being a ghastly pink streak from my left breast to my right hip. I winced as I thought about that one in particular. I pulled my hair back and focused on the rings of white scars dotting my throat, choking more than likely, they'd used a collar occasionally.

I felt even worse than I had before and now my head was pounding as I slid back into the bed. Footsteps echoed outside the door before it was pushed open and Grey walked in.

"what's wrong?", he asked crawling into bed beside me. I didn't answer.I shouldn't feel like this, I didn't need him, he could do as he pleased.

His arms wrapped themselves around me and I laid my head against his chest in response. He laid a hand against my forehead before gently stroking my hair back.

"Infinity what happened sweetheart?", he asked rubbing my back as he pulled me even closer.

I shook my head. He'd left. I'd given him everything...and he'd left. What would he think? That I was weak? That I couldn't handle him ever leaving?

"Why don't you go take a nice relaxing shower and I'll get you some comfortable clothes, sound good?", he suggested massaging my shoulders.

I nodded, it did sound good and my skin felt like it was filthy. Then again I always felt filthy, no shower could erase that.

"Come on then", he gently pulled me out of bed and led me to the bathroom.

I turned the faucet on and stepped into the warm water. As I stood there I felt the hands on my body. No amount of soap would wash the memories away, not that I didn't try. I felt my breathing quicken and the memory became all too real.

"Infinity, Baby, you're safe, it's okay", I felt warm, familiar, arms wrap around my body as Grey whispered comforting things in my ear.

"Shhh everything's okay", he purred, gently washing the remaining soap from my body. He then turned the water off and wrapped a warm, fluffy towel around me.

I clung to his neck. The ground could open ups and swallow me whole right about now.He sat me on the bed before grabbing some clothes out of the closet. My body felt completely numb as he carefully began to dress me, and I flinched when his hands brushed my hips and collarbone.

"Does anything hurt?", he asked stroking the back of my hand as he rested his chin on my knees. I shook my head and pulled my arms tightly around myself.

The truth was everything hurt, but this wasn't something pain meds could fix. I felt guilty for what we'd done last night. He was going to be furious when he found out the truth.

He'd hate me for letting him have sex with someone as disgusting and used as me. I wasn't worthy of being with him.

"Infinity?", he asked moving so that he was now sitting beside me on the bed.

For the first time I was uncomfortable with Grey, and I felt guilty and dirty. Did he know? Did he suspect? Was I so bad that he couldn't face waking up to me?

I was going to puke again, my stomach twisted an churned. I bolted to the bathroom and shut the door behind me. The bile was bitter and it burned as it left my mouth.

A light knock sounded on the door, Grey's normal, careful knock. "Infinity, can we talk for a minute?", he asked quietly. I carefully stood up and opened the door, not really wanting to talk but knowing I wouldn't have a choice in the end.

"What's going on?", he asked looking down at me worriedly.

"It's...n..nothing..I...I'm fine", my shaking voice and the sniffling gave me away.

"Oh please Infinity, you are not fine. Something's clearly hurting you and I want to know what's going on?", his voice was soft but his eyes told me he wanted an answer, now.

I burst into full blown tears." You...you left," was all I managed to get out between shaky breaths.

"What?!" He looked shocked, and confused.

"This morning, after- after we..you just..you left, you left me," I tried to hide just how hurt I was but from the look on his face he could see straight through it.

"Infinity..I...if I would've known how much that would hurt you I never would have done it,"he pulled me to his chest.

"Do you find me repulsive? Am I not good enough?-"

"No," he growled lowly,"and don't say those things about yourself". He gripped my jaw tightly, making me look up at him. "Baby there's nothing wrong with you, and I really didn't realize that leaving would hurt you so much, and for that I apologize," he stared deeply into my eyes," there was a breach at one of our borders, a feral rogue hell bent on killing everyone of my men he came into contact with. That's where I went, it had nothing to do with you, or last night. Believe me, I truly did want to be home with you in my arms," he pressed a soft kiss to my forehead.

I buried my face in his broad chest, relief easing the tension in my body.

His eyes glazed over and I knew he would have to leave again.

"Shit," he sighed dejected," apparently our little rogue had some friends, will you be okay for an hour or so?" He stroked my cheek his eyes worried, "I promise, I'll be back as soon as I can okay?"

I nodded, it was selfish to try to keep him here if his pack was in danger.

Selfish selfish selfish

I'd been so selfish earlier.

It had only been about fifteen minutes before I felt a prick on the back of neck as an hand trapped my own. "I heard someone doesn't like to be alone?"