My American Love

Chapter 5: Referred By Friend

Ngayon ay nasa client consultation si George at fiancé nya with our team realtors. Nasa conference room sila ng opisina. We just smiled at each other ng mapadaan ako kanina sa conference pag clock in ko. Masaya akong matulungan siya, sila.

I sip in my coffee and started working as well as Serina, we don't really talk that much pag tambak kami ng gawain at oras ng trabaho. We only talk when it's business related when it's our work hours. Pag balik Mrs. Velasco ay inabot niya sakin ang papers nila George at sinimulan ng ilagay sa date base at ilagay kung saan dapat ilagay. George and her fiancé Blake already signed. Our team will help them find their dream house.

Nung 30 minutes brake ko ay agad kong tinignan ang cellphone ko and there I saw Nicole's message to talk to Hans dahil hindi pa rin sila nag uusap. Hindi daw siya kinakausap. Napailing na lang ako. Away bati talaga sila. But no matter what kind of relationship challenge my friends facing, I'm always on call. After work ay dumiretso ko sa isang Pho restaurant para makipagkita kina Hans.

"Wag mo syang ipagtutulukan palayo lalo na kapag nag tatampo sya. Gusto lang naman nyan lambingin mo sya. 'Wag kang magagalit kung ganon sya intindihin mo nalang na namimiss ka lang niya at gusto niyang lagi kang andyan."

"She's obsessed with me. I like it. But sometimes, she's clingy. Very clingy."

"Babae siya. What do you expect? Mahal ka nung tao? At ikaw pa lang ang minahal niya." I pointed my chopsticks to him and look around, "Ano bang gusto mo yung mga laking America o yung mga babae dito sa America?"

"Si Nicole gusto ko. Siya mahal ko eh. Alam mo yan Belle."

"Yun naman pala eh. Mag papaalam ka sakanya kung aalis ka man. Hindi andun ka na. Dun niya lang malalaman kung nasaaan ka at kung sinong kasama mo. Para hindi sya mag aalala sayo. Ikaw nagbibigay mismo ng dahilan para mag duda o mag-alala siya baka may iba ka na eh." I started to eat my Pho, again.

"She's paranoid. Tatlong taon na kami. Kaya hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit iniisip niyang maghahanap pa ko ng iba." "Hinding hindi ko kayang ipagpalit ang pinagsamahan namin sa walang kasiguraduhan at panandaliang kaligayahan. Hindi ko kayang ipagpalit."

"Tell her that. Kayo mag usap."

I enjoyed eating my Pho and not looking at him. I'll just it my Pho first. Hindi na to masarap pag lumamig na. Pero habang kumakain ako hindi ko maiwasan isipin kung ako ang nasa sitwasyon, seeing my bestfriend paranoid, obsessed, and crying. Ayoko pa talaga.

It's gonna be a distraction for me. Maybe there are people who can do that, keep growing and evolving like that, even when they are in a relationship or perhaps especially when they are in a relationship. But I know that I can't, hindi ako ganon. Ginto ang oras ko para sakin. Madami rin akong plano at ginagawa para dun. And it's not just not having the time or energy to keep pushing yourself forward when you are with someone. The thing is, that even though it's great to have someone who got your back and support you, there are still some things in life that I have to go through on my own. There are too many awesome and fascinating people in the world for me to start isolating yourself. Kaya naman taga advice lang ako. I am their friend and I have my support regardless of me being single.

"Help me. You're the bestfriend."

"Ano namang gusto mong gawin ko? Maging tiga-pasa ng sasasabihin niyo sa isa't isa?"

"I hate seeing her with his friend."

"Who?"

"Her co-worker, Anthony."

I put down my chopsticks, "Are you freaking serious?"

"Oo. Lalaki pa rin yun. Tapos sila pa laging magkasama. Kahit saan."

"Natural, they work together, they are friends, we are friends. Anthony is gay at alam mo yun. Kung naiinis ka na lagi silang nagkakasama bakit hindi ka gumawa ng paraan para kayo lagi ang magkasama?" I blurted it out, "And even if Anthony is a straight guy. May makakausap din si Nicole na ibang lalaki. Makakaramdam ka rin ng selos at pag-aalala pero lagi mong tatandaan at pang hawakan 'yung sinabi nya sayong ikaw lang yung mahal nya at hindi mag babago yon. Kasi ang babae, kapag mahal ka, ikaw lang talaga at siguradong kilala ka ng mga kinakausap niya. Mag usap kayo. Your relationship have a lack of communication."

After that ay iniwan ko na siya, they are both my friends. But they are both adult. At sila yung in a relationship. I support their relationships. I am on their team.  But they need to talk to each other to fix the problem. Taga advice lang ako.

I'm single friend has the unique ability to see them as separate from other relationships. Nakikita ko ang sarili ko as independent women and that's how I see my friends too who's in a relationship. I'm not emotionally invested like their family or other friends who's in a relationship and that helps me give advice that is uniquely for them.

Pag uwi ko ng apartment ay agad akong naglinis ng katawan, pag labas ko ay hindi na ko nag abalang magsuot ng kahit na ano bukod sa underwear at bra, I'm living alone. No one else can see me. That's the thing when you have your own place, your comfortable and you can do whatever you want, freedom. Noong una there are infatuations of moving to this city, to this apartment. First, the unsettling chaos, then slowly falling in love with the imperfectly perfect place I now call home.

Napadaan ako sa kama ko because I was looking at myself in the whole body vanity mirror there's lights on the wall of my bed, and pictures of me, my friends, family and random places I've been too.

I smiled, I grab my Polaroid bag ko at kinuha ang picture nung lalaking nakatabi ko sa eroplano. Yes, I took a picture of him. Hindi ko alam. He's my crush. And alam niyo yung feeling pag nakakita kayo ng gwapo? Tapos alam mong hindi mo na makikita ulit? That's why. I stole a picture of him while he's sleeping on the airplane.