My American Love

Chapter 17: Incentives

I was standing in front of my whole body mirror. I was wearing a pencil cut skirt and a white long sleeves and 3-inch red pointed heels. It takes me a long look at myself in the mirror, I look so neat and professional. I sprayed my perfume and smile in the mirror.

I was in a good mood, I greeted everyone in the office to have a good morning. I clocked in, and go straight to my computer.

"Who's your new victim?"

"New victim?" I laugh looking at her, "Grabe!"

"You smell like a vanilla. That's your smell when you're flirting with someone." Serina looked at me with her suspicious eyes, "I still remember what you told me before I dated Huy, you said; Wear the right perfume. Try something that smells of vanilla or lavender. Men are a sucker for those scents."

I laugh once again, "Okay, I'm flirting, again."

"Have you moved on?"

It's been, what, 3 years since it happened. Yes, I met someone, I've been in a relationship but somehow he betrayed my trust. And I could get all Beyoncé about it and "create lemonade," but a lot of times I'm just stuck in this rut, trying to get over these insecurities of being betrayed and having to trust in love again.

That was when I was so alone and sad, because my dad was working in South while I was in North living in my apartment alone. I have no friends that time because I was newly immigrated, while my relatives is busy on their own lives. I was independent, I was lost, I was by myself. Then I met him, my ex-boyfriend who just cheated on me on our 6 months relationship. I trust him, because I thought he's something that won't cheat by his looks, I let him in my life because I thought he'll stay longer than I imagine that's why I still wonder why I let that happen and how I could have prevented it. I can't. I can't predict it. I can only just accept the situation, react and move on. That's why I don't really want to be in a relationship. That's why I choose to have a fling, to flirt. I won't be scared to be left, because I know it will be temporary. Than a relationship you invest feelings, you taught it will last, but it's not.

"I'm still stuck trying to get over this hump so I can finally accept the fact that I'm not going to get hurt again. I actually moved on from the feelings, but the fear? I think I won't moved on from that. And it's not important if I already moved on or not. It's just a fling."

"Who's the guy? The airplane guy?" I nodded, "What kind of fling do you have?"

Kinewento ko naman.

"Never engage to a casual relationship!"

"I will not engage to sex. I'm just into foreplay and sext."

"But you like him. You even have a crush on him."

I laugh, totoo naman, "Yes. But not like a romantic feelings or something."

"If you like someone, sooner or later, you will tend to invest romantic feelings."

I pointed myself, "Feelings? Me?"

Is it a joke?

"Just always keep in your mind that the moment you both agree in that 'thing" you're both giving each other's pleasure but never sharing the same feelings."