i've been lying | phan

f o u r

sorry for not updating, phil uploaded and i died because pastel

phil's pov;

During lunch I try to focus and get my thoughts straight.
I like Dan.
That's a lie.
I like like Dan.

I love Dan.

Yep. That's it.
It's like all those years ago. And I never told him. He'd never have liked me, so I gave up. I gave up and tried to forget about my feelings for him.

I don't think they ever left completely.

'Phil!'

I yank my head up.

'What?'

'I was asking you something, but you weren't listening. Are you sure you're okay?' Dan asks from the other side of the table.

'Oh sorry, I'm just tired.' I reply.

Had I been acting that obvious?

'Anyways, what I was asking was; when are we filming that video for the gaming channel? We'll have to do it soon because otherwise the game won't be that popular anymore.' Dan tells me.

'Can we do it tomorrow?' I ask, 'I think I'm going to take a nap or something, I'm really tired.' I say, standing up from the table and walking to my room quickly.

'Um, sure..?' Dan says as I've already left the room.

I allow myself to fall down onto my bed and close my eyes.

What do I do now?

I have to tell him at some point. I didn't do that last time and I regretted it. I'm going to have to tell him this time.

I'm going to tell him as soon as possible.

Yes.

What if he hates me though?

Oh no.

I start sobbing and slowly loose consciousness as I fall into a deep sleep, my dreams like an ocean with a storm of cloudy and confusing thoughts.

dan's pov;

Phil has really been acting weird.

Maybe he's just overworking himself?

I should pay more attention to him. Eventhough he is the older one, I still always feel some sort of responsibility for him.

I stand up and take our plates and mugs into the kitchen and wash them up.

I can't help but to think of Phil, he's been acting really, really weird. Really not Phil at all. If he keeps acting this way I'll force him to tell me what's wrong. I just want the old Phil back.

My best friend.

~le time skip to dan making dinner~

I walk over to Phil's room and give it a soft knock.
No response.

I open the door slightly and see him asleep in the slightly dark room. His pale skin almost illuminating in the darkness.

I decide to let him sleep, maybe he was just tired and that was the reason why he was acting weird.

Before I leave the room, I walk up to the bed and cover Phil in a blanket, he was laying on top of his duvet so he was probably freezing.

Did he have lines of tears on his cheeks?

No, I'm just seeing things because it's dark.

When I walk out of the room I swear I can hear Phil whisper my name but when I look around he's still asleep.

~le time skip to the evening; dan has had dinner and has gotten ready for bed and phil is still asleep in his room, also im a bad writer i know please dont hate me xo~

I climb into my bed and under the duvet.

As I balance my laptop on my bare chest, I can hear Phil walking to the bathroom and back to his room.

'Phil!' I say.

Slowly, my door creaks open.

'Yeah?' Phil says, tiredly.

'Just wanted to make sure you're okay? You basically passed out on your bed.' I laugh.

'Yeah, I'm fine, just still a bit tired so I think I'm going back to sleep.' he says with a slight smile.

'Okay, goodnight you spoon.' I laugh at him.

Phil looks at me with wide eyes and a slight pink blush on his pale, white cheeks and closes the door quickly.

(my phone just autocorrected pink to kink xo)

I open my laptop and go on 'Who Said So?'. I've really been enjoying this website, I can't wait to film a video on it tomorrow.

I decide to ask some people a few questions just for fun.
Right before I want to put my laptop to the side, I decide to ask Phil some things to answer in the morning, he's asleep at the moment anyway.

I ask him

'What is your favourite place you've ever been?'
'Who is your absolute favourite artist?'
'Favourite boardgame?'
'Would you ever consider getting your ears pierced?'

I want to ask him one more question, just because I'm in a weird mood and I'm genuinely kind of curious;

'Do you have a crush on Dan?'

I put my laptop to the side, not expecting anything, until I hear a *ping* all of a sudden.

What? Phil was asleep right?

I open my laptop back up and see that I have some notifications on my 'Who Said So?' account.

Phil has answered some of my questions.
I quickly scan the answers until I get to the last one and I feel my heart drop.

He answered the question about the crush.

And he forgot to click 'anonymous'.

I can't stop looking at the one word on the bright screen in front of my tired eyes.

'Yes'

Phil.

Has. 

A.

Crush.

On.

Me.

I don't know what to do or what I'm feeling.
The only thing I know is that I'm feeling betrayed  and disgusted.

I've always supported the LGBTQ+ community but what the fuck?

Phil?

Actually?

I get up and storm into Phil's room, and I punch him until he bleeds.

okay this was a fucking shit chapter, only 960 words jfc.
i've been feeling quite shit recently and i just didnt feel like i was able to write. also, i haven't done a spelling/grammar check yet so please ignore any typos etc.
thanks for sticking with me pals.
also, the 'plottwist' already happened in chapter 4? i'm going to have to make these next chapters really long and dramatic because otherwise we'll only have like 6 chapters lol.
anyways, gotta blast, stay hydrated and shook because of the pastel video. also, i've been listening to p!atd music for the past week, it's pretty so check it out if you havent already lads xo.

'words grew
in his mouth
like pretty flowers
in a spring field
and he spoon fed them
to him'