i've been lying | phan

t h i r t e e n

hi im procrastinating so im pre writing this and im probably gonna publish this tomorrow? idk yet, also i probably haven't done a spelling check yet oops

dans pov;

When I wake up, I feel warmth coming from my right side.
Phil.
Safety.
Home.

I open my eyes and look straight (gaY) into two wonderfully radiant, blue eyes.

'Hey.' Phil whispers to me in his raspy morning voice.

'Hi.' I smile at him.
'Phil! Why are you wearing your normal clothes?! You could've gone home to get your pj's! You didn't have to stay here with me.'

'I didn't want to leave you.' Phil tells me, he almost sounds hurt.

'You're the best Phil.'

He grabs my hand and gives it a quick squeeze. It's almost like he's trying to let me know that he thinks the same about me.

We spend the rest of that day just laying in my bed and chatting away about nothing; no awkward silences, uncomfortable topics or depressing emotions.
Just us.

When it's eight in the evening, a nurse walks in and smiles at us.
She starts removing all the tubes connected to me, making me flinch in pain. I've always hated hospitals, this being one of the reasons.

Phil quickly takes my hand into his and I bury my head in his shoulder, him rubbing circles on my back with his other hand.

When the lady is done, she says 'We've looked at your test results of today, you're all good to go. Stay safe please.'
She shoots me a soft smile.

'You too.' she adds and looks at Phil.

He smiles back at her and gets up from the bed, 'Thank you for everything, does Dan need to pick anything up, medicine wise?' he asks her.

'There's a few things, but it's all on this paper. You'll just have to drop by the pharmacy tomorrow or something. You're not in a hurry for it though.'

She hands Phil a paper and he politely takes it from her.
She walks away, Phil thanking her again.

Together we grab my things and walk out of my room into the bright, white, smelly hallway.

Our hands brush against eachother and I feel sparks explode in my stomach.

I want to hold his hand.
But what if someone sees it?
I don't care if people from the hospital see it; nurses, doctors, patients.. that's all fine.
The thing that worries me is our subscribers. What if one of them is here? What if they see us? What if they take a picture? What if they post it online? What if-

'Dan? Sweetie, your breathing. It's going way too fast again.'

'Oh. I didn't notice.' I say, now feeling my breathing going faster.

'Take a deep breath in and out. You're going to be fine Dan. You're in control of your future, I believe in you.' Phil tells me, quietly. (that reference are u proud of me children)

I try to slow down my breathing, and after about five minutes of me attempting to breathe in sync with Phil, I feel like I'm alright again.

'Sorry Phil, I was just thinking about what would happen if a viewer saw us? Like, they'd take a photo, post it and then the entire internet would know.'

'I know what you mean, I was thinking about that too. We'll figure it all out one day, okay? Just not now.'

I nod my head and we make our way out of the hospital and hail a cab.

In the back of the cab, we're both silent and the only thing we do is secretly hold each other's hand underneath my jacket that I've taken off.

Phil's soft hand is slowly rubbing the scars on my right wrist.

I look up at him and smile.

This is so perfect, why didn't I ever see this before?

~time skip oops~

About fifteen minutes from our house, the driver takes a right instead of a left and I look at Phil, confused.

'Shh, it's going to be okay. You'll see what happens.' he tries to comfort me.

'Okay?'

After about five minutes of driving the driver pulls up in front of a small cafe and we get out, the cab still waiting.

'I need you to go in there and relax for a bit, I'll come to pick you up in less than half an hour okay?' Phil says.

'Wait - what? I don't want you to leave me.' I say, feeling the despair in my voice.

Phil takes me into a tight embrace and whispers in my ear 'I'll be back before you know it, you're going to be fine angel. Call me if there's something going on.'
And then Phil climbs back into the car and he drives off.

I stand in front of the cafe for a moment to try and process what just happened. I shrug it off and make my way into the small building.

It's still quite busy for this time of day, so the queue is pretty long.
I join the line of people waiting and as soon as it's my turn to order, I blurt out that I want a chai latte with a pistachio muffin. (😏)

When I receive my snacks, I sit down at a small table in the corner of the cafe, next to a window.
I drink my coffee and eat my muffin, slowly, because I don't want to be finished before Phil gets here. That'd be awkward.

~le tiny time skip~

It's been about 35 minutes and Phil isn't here yet.
I decide to take out my phone and text him, but as soon as I unlock it, the door opens and a cold breeze reaches my face.
A tall figure is standing in the doorway and makes his way toward me.

It's Phil.

He walks up to me and smiles, 'How are you?' he asks.

'I was worried.' I reply.

'Why?'

'Because you weren't here.'

Phil reaches his hand out to me and grabs my arm, gently, and pulls me up from my chair (fiC). He drags me out of the cafe and it's only now that I notice how eager he looks; a small spark in his eyes, a pale pink blush on his carved out cheekbones and a slight hop in his step. He's almost like an excited child on Christmas morning.

'Where are we going Phil?' I ask, as he pulls me out onto the dark street and we start walking.

He grabs my hand and says 'Home, we're going home Dan. Oh and also, it's dark now, no one can see.'
He squeezes my hand.

I turn my head towards his and ask, 'What were you doing? Where were you?'.

'You'll see.'

~a tiny winy time skip~

When we reach our apartment and have climbed all of the stairs, we take a second to regain our breath.

When I turn around to open our front door, I notice a small red paper stuck to it;

'i'm sorry if you don't like this,
please let me know if you hate it.'

'What?'

Phil is standing behind me, nervously picking at his cuticles and staring at his shoes.

I turn back around and slowly I open the door. And what I see, is indescribable.
I'm speechless.

pLottwiST; it's a red room

nO jk anyways, i said i'd publish this tomorrow but nah here u go, a double update.

also, this is 1200+ words im shoOk

'they say stay in your lane boy'

stay alive