Fighting for you: Always

Crying

Hey you amazing people :)

Thanks for 76 votes, that's amazing! ILY all🎀 also, thanks to @hedvigborgenn

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Olivia x

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Katniss POV

I don't know what happened. I really don't. All I do know is that as soon as Peeta talked about leaving I couldn't even think about it. I mean, just the thought of not being able to see him everyday tears me apart. And now I can't stop crying because of it.

His arms are around me, holding me close to his chest which is now soaking wet with my tears. I feel so weak but that's only because I am, my weakness is Peeta, the boy I'm in love with even though he will never love me back, not anymore anyway. God, I love him so much, I just want to stay in his embrace forever and never let go.

I can't believe he thinks he's a monster, that he thinks he hurts everyone around him when in reality I'd be hurt beyond repair if he left. I should be comforting him, telling him how he doesn't hurt anyone more than we've been hurt already but I can't seem to stop crying about the fact that Peeta might be leaving or something.

Is this what Peeta does to me? That even the thought of him going leaves me in a crying mess?

'Katniss, it's okay, don't cry, please.' Peeta is trying to comfort me but I know I'm not going to stop crying until he says that he won't leave. I try to stammer some words out but they just get swallowed up with my sobs. I try to take deep breaths, in and out, to calm myself down a little and eventually I get to a point where I can talk.

'Say you won't leave Peeta, you can't leave me, you-' I start sobbing loudly again, causing Peeta to pull me closer into his chest, so close that I'm now sitting on his lap, my head still leaning against his chest.

'But I-'

'Peeta!' Annie shrieked, I felt Peeta's head turn, Annie must be gesturing to him or something, he's still not replying to me and I can feel more tears welling up.

'Peeta! Please! Say it!' I sob, my words becoming more and more un-understandable by the second.

Peeta POV

Her voice sounds so vulnerable, it makes my heart hurt. I have little bits of memory from the Quell, including that night on the beach but also some others that remind me of the voice Katniss is speaking in now.

One was when I hit the force field, I just about remember how she grabbed me in her arms and hugged me so tight, repeating that my heart had stopped, she sounded broken almost. The second was when we were separated near the end of the Quell. I had just killed Brutus and when the canon went off, she cried my name out, in a similar sound she was using now. In that example, I couldn't get to her to comfort her, but right now I can.

But what if I hurt her again? What if I hurt her worse next time?

But then I remembered what Annie was trying to gesture behind my back, I got what she was saying through her pointing fingers at me and Katniss as well as actions.

If you go, she won't recover.

That's what Annie was saying, but it's not true...it can't be. But now I think about it, if I did go, I wouldn't recover from being away from her. And if there's the slightest possibility that me staying will make her feel better.... I should stay right? I'd do anything to make her happy, even if it's just a little bit.

I'm torn now, between staying here to comfort her or going away so I'll never hurt her. I want to stay, I really do and if I leave it will tear me in half but I'll happily do that to myself if it means that Katniss is safe from me.

I notice that Annie is gesturing to me again, she mouthing something this time:

She can recover easily from physical pain but it's so much harder with emotional

Well thats true, I know from personal experience.

'Please Peeta, stay!' The moment I hear her voice, I want to make her feel better, for her to stop crying and for her to feel safe, these feelings overwhelm me.

'I'll stay, just for you. But if I hurt you-'

'Oh Peeta, thank you!' Katniss squeezes me, and I don't ever want her to let go. Her embrace distracts me from what I was going to say. The warm feeling coursing through me makes me completely forget about the flashback.

That's when it hits me.

Katniss is the only one who can help me fully recover from my flashbacks.

I can't ever let her know this otherwise she'll always want to be around. And there's no way I'm ever hurting her again, someone will have to help me keep her away when it happens.

I love her so much, I can't ever be the reason she's in pain ever again.