Fighting for you: Always

Mutt mode

Hey guys! This has 46 votes now and I'm truly shocked and amazed so thank you so much!!!!!ILY ALL!<3

This is what I think Peeta's POV would have been during a flashback and I don't know if it's what you think so let me know in the comments how to improve/what you think he would have been thinking.

FEEDBACK?

and thanks to heedvigborgen for the lovely comment :)

Olivia x

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Peeta POV

She's staying with me, part of me is touched and happy that Katniss won't go because it means that she's cares about me but most of me knows that once I slip into mutt mode I can't control myself at all and I couldn't stand it if I hurt her; she's been hurt enough this lifetime.

'You need to go! I can't hur-' I stammer out, unable to finish before I feel the mutt-me take over.

'YOU MUTT, YOU EVIL MUTT' I hear my voice scream but it's not me saying it, I screw my eyes tighter, trying to fight against myself.

'YOU KILLED MY FAMILY! YOU TRIED TO KILL ME!' Again it's my voice but I'm not controlling it. I can hear Katniss sobbing, telling me that it's not real and that it's the hijacking but the mutt won't listen.

'YOU LIER!ALL YOU SAY IS LIES!' I feel my brain make me lift my arm and shove her away so she falls on the floor. Katniss sobs even harder at this, maybe it's my action or maybe it's what I said and now I've done what I didn't want to do.

I hurt her.

'No!' I think to myself, 'I have to fight the mutt!' I dig the heels of my hands in to my forehead, trying to do what the doctor told me. he said that I should remember good things that I can think of, this helps me get out of mutt mode.

The bakery is being rebuilt.

'Katniss, I'm sorr-' I stammer, my normal self for a moment but the mutt takes over again and it turns into a screech. That wasn't enough, I need to remember more things.

The feeling I have when I comfort Katniss.

Katniss eating cheese buns.

The look on Katniss' face when I gave her the pearl in the Quell.

The kiss on the beach...

I feel my normal self pushing the mutt back down inside me, I lean against the wall for a few seconds because firstly trying to control myself takes a lot of effort and also because I didn't want to face the looks of horror that I'm sure Annie and Katniss were giving me.

It's then I remember with anger at myself that I'd hurt Katniss so I immediately turn around to make sure she's okay, shes still on the floor where I pushed her and both her and Annie are looking at me with a cross between worry for me and terror.

'Katniss, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you! I just can't control myself.' I said shakily not wanting to go near her unless I turn back into a mutt and hurt her again.

'Peeta, it's not your fault-'

'Yes it is! You're in pain right now and it's all my fault! I'm such a horrible person...' I mumble, thinking my thoughts aloud.

'Stop that Peeta!' It's not your fault! It's the Capitols, they hijacked you, none of this is your fault! If anything it's mine..'

'What?! Why do you think that all of a sudden?' I sharply look up to Katniss and see that more tears are forming in her beautiful grey eyes; I want to go over and comfort her but I'm afraid that I'll just hurt her again.

'I never should have left you that night in the arena,' she looked down at the floor, her tears falling thick and fast on the ground. 'And it's not all of a sudden, I've always blamed myself.'

I can't believe this, all this time she's been blaming herself for my hijacking when it wasn't her fault at all! Finnick and Johanna made us split up so the plan would work, with their combined stubbornness, there was nothing we could do.

I couldn't help myself anymore, I couldn't just watch the girl I love cry over something that wasn't her fault in the slightest; I shuffle over to her on my knees and wrap my arms around her, warmth spreading through me.

'None of this is your fault, don't ever think that again, okay?' I whisper into her ear, trying to get her to calm down. Her knees are bleeding a bit but Annie starts wrapping the wound up in a scrap bit of cloth from her coat pocket.

Next time I have a flashback, she isn't going to be anywhere near me, it's more painful watching her get hurt than being hurt myself.