Fighting for you: Always

Remembering

Hey beautiful people

THANKS FOR 106 VOTES THAT'S ABSOLUTELY UNBELIEVABLE THATS INCREDIBLE. I LOVE YOU ALL🎀

I hope you like this chapter guys

THANKS AGAIN ASDFGHJKL

Olivia x

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Katniss POV

I don't know how long it takes me to finally stop crying. Peeta still has his arms wrapped around me and my head is still against his chest. Annie is in the kitchen trying to get some lunch together, Peeta would do it but... well he refuses to move until I'm okay again, which is so sweet of him.

'Hey, what's this?' Annie asks, holding up a leather bound scrap book. I know exactly what it is by sight, it was my family plant book. I raise my head off of Peeta's chest to reply to Annie 'Its my family plant book. My dad used to write all about different herbs and edible plants that he found in the woods. Me and Peeta continued it a bit in between our two games as well.'

'Wow!' Annie commented, as she flicked though it, 'This is a really useful book, and a great idea...'

'You know, we should make another one, but with all our memories from the Games, some things that would be a shame to forget and some that maybe, once it's all on paper, we'll have closure from.' Annie nods at his idea and goes back to the book. Peeta untangles his arms from around me (I've stopped breathing sharply now) and wanders over to where Annie was standing, looking over her shoulder as she continues to flick through it.

I feel empty all of a sudden without Peeta's arms around me, and the fact that Peeta wants me to go through all my memories of the Games empties me even more. I start shaking as I say 'I don't know if I can do that guys.... I can't relive two games, a relbellion and a war!' I start to freak out, just thinking about having to remember all the bad things I've done, all the lives lost because of me.

'Hey Katniss, don't worry.' Peeta says, soothingly, wandering back towards me and sitting on the coffee table in front of me and taking my hands in his, Annie puts the book down and comes over too. 'You don't have to do it if you don't want to but it might give you closure from it all, having all the memories in a book that you can shut the cover on, where you can seal them away forever if you want. Personally I think it could help me, maybe writing all we remember down can help me figure out once and for all whats real and what's not real.'

Real and not real. Just the words bring back horrific memories of the game we used to play, having to try to explain to Mutt Peeta that I didn't try to kill him, that I didn't kill Mags or his family or whatever else he was made to believe.

The only reason I played the game was because it helped Peeta. And if doing this book could help Peeta too, then I guess I'd do it. Part of me also thinks that Peeta has a point, we need to record things that we shouldn't forget. I can't change what we went through, but maybe I can learn from it.

And God, I defiantly need closure from it all.

'Peeta, you're right. I think it could help us all. We need to write about things that might fade from our memory, like Cinna's designs-'

Turns out I still can't say his name without my body filling with regret and guilt. He died ultimately protecting me. And now he's dead. Because he helped me become the Mockingjay. I suddenly feel like I'm some kind of dead weight, like I can't support myself anymore. But in some kind of weird way I feel like a weight has also been lifted off me, by saying his name out in the open, like it was struggling to be set free.

Maybe it's best to get it all out in the open, I start stating things we should remember and Peeta and Annie join in.

'Rue, when she's about to leap, I don't think anyones told you this, but I was a mentor in your first games,' Annie says, with traces of tears in her eyes, she was remembering the innocent 11year-olds life that was snatched away.

'Boggs, reprogramming the halo' I mumble.

'Cinna's designs' Peeta added.

'Prim, with her braid.' Annie uttered.

'Peetas dad with the cookies' I went on.

'The colour of Finnicks eyes.' Peeta said.

And now we are all crying, crying in remembrance for the ones we lost.

We will never get over these deaths, but we need to record them, before the memories slip away.

We cling on to each other for support, all crying differently: Peeta is crying silently, tears streaming down his face, Annie is sobbing loudly, bursts of tears spurting from her eyes, while I'm crying softly, tears trickling down, one at a time.

No one can get over a death alone, we all need support and people who can ground us.

And I think I've found people who ground me.