Fighting Myself

Chapter Four

Jack Carver did not remember what happened. There he was in a cop car. He did not remember one thing. He punched Nick? No that can't be right. Jack hasn't had a blackout in a while. They wouldn't of let him out of Sunset Valley Mental Health Center if he still had blackouts. He did not want to go back. No this is all wrong. If anyone should be there it's Mia Cantalone. She was so lucky. She could control her illness, Jack couldn't. He just had random outbursts. NO! this is all wrong!

"What was that," the middle aged officer up front looked up to his mirror. He was one of those donut officers, Jack imagined, fat, gray, balding, with his shirt tucked in over his beer belly.

"Nothing," Jack spoke in a barely audiable tone.

"Well it better be nothing. You should be ashamed of yourself punching that boy. You know when I was your age..."

Jack zoned out at that point. He had heard it a million times before. Why did you do that, stay away from me, monster, phyco, what is wrong with you. He was sick of it. It's not like he meant to. He couldn't even remember attacking anybody, ever. Nick was gentle, soft spoken, fun, but nobody would know. His blackouts started a few years back. He never hurt anyone though. He went to parties, had fun, did drugs. All of the sudden he was popular, or the the other Jack was at least. Then his parents found some drugs in his room. Jack didn't even do drugs, at least he thought he didn't. Then when he had his first episode at school he hurt someone, bad. That was it, his parents sent him away.

"...you know even if you just punched that kid that would not be as bad. Boys will be boys, but trying to tackle that girl man, well what is wrong with you."

Jack snapped out of his trance, "what girl?"

"Well you don't even know her name?! What is with you kid? Her name is uh Alice Kampdon or Kameron, something like that."

"Kamdon"

"Yeah that so you do know her what is she your girlfriend or something?"

"She should still be," Jack said to himself.

"Well back in my day we had respect for girls. It meant something when you said never hit a girl. Now you sonny..."

Alice Kamdon, Jack thought, her of all people. Alice Kamdon is Jack's should-still-be girlfriend. They were in love. Now I know that sounds odd speaking of a high school couple, but it was true. Alice is perfect in every way. She is in Jack's head at least. Anybody who is not crazy is perfect to Jack.

She had the loveliest blonde hair, and her smile was unexpected, rare. She did not look like someone who would have a great smile, her lips are thin and her cheekbones were low, but when she smiled it was magnificant. Her smile was thrilling, shocking, her eyes alive, bright. That smile is gone now, it isn't wide anymore, like it hurts to do so. Her eyes don't light up, but hold emptiness, longing, sorrow it is so obvious. Though nobody seems to notice, how can her friends not notice, they see her day after day. Though Jack noticed when he walked into school that moning, head hung low.

Jack was waiting for the whispers, the taunts, for the crowd to part like the Red Sea, but none of it came. Then he realized that he entered in the Freshman hall, nobody knew him it was nice. He towered them though, for it was still the first day, they were young middle-schoolers. Reaching the end of the hall the crowd suddenly grew. There were the new juniors heading from the main entrance to their new lockers. They all looked the same, frazzled, excited, paper-in-hand. Then he saw her. Her hair beaconed among the dark surroundings. She was looking down in her bag, but he knew it was her, Alice.

When she looked up her hair flew around to meet her shoulder, her hand surfaced with her new schedule. She was beautiful, perfect. Two familiar faces all of the sudden bounded over in a heap if squeals. For a moment Alice was shocked, but then she said hi and faked a smile. Jack was shocked. What had happened while he was gone? Why was she this way? What was wrong? She was suppose to be perfect. He yearned to see her, to ask those questions, but he then remember he was no longer her boyfriend, she despised him, he was the town nutcase, he was sitting in the back of a cop car and he attacked her.

After that long ride filled with rage and sadness. They were there. The donut-officer opened the door and led Jack out of the car going on about something. Jack had been through this process before. The traditional processing, the infamous parent calling, and the luxorious overnight stay. Though Jack was also here many years ago when he was about twelve.

His, now ex, best friend called needing someone to pick him up because his mom was arrested for having cocaine. So Jack and his mother went down here to go pick up Nickolace Smith. Nick stayed overnight, but didn't talk much, Nick didn't want to talk much the next day of school either, or the next week, month, year. He was too ashamed of himself. His mother got arrested and Jack knew about it. Jack didn't care, to him Nick was still his best friend, but Nick didn't see it that way. Jack knew and because of that simple fact Nick could never get over the feeling of being less than him, the feeling of shame. Jack still cared about Nick though. Though today he hurt him and almost hurt Alice. Jack hurt the only two people he cared about.

"Your mother is here to bail you out," Nick looked up to see a skinny young cop he looked frazzled and bony, but at least he was in better shape than the donut officer.

Nick's parents have an emergancy fund to bail him out. They didn't speak one word the whole way home. Nor did they at the house. His mother simply went to the cabinet, took out a bottle of wine and a glass. She went through their wealthy, clean, white home. She walked over the dark hardwood and onto the white rug. The couch was soft, white. She sat down poured a glass of the purple substance. She took a sip looked around. She did not blink when her hand crushed the glass. The red seeped in rug, couch, and all. She was not fazed by her bloody hand laying peacefuly on the pillow leaving a crimson mark. Jack was not fazed either. He just simply walked upstairs. He scoffed, they thought he was crazy