My Brother's Keeper// Twilight [ON HOLD]

2. Isolation for the Damned

ELENA

I sigh contently before walking along a tree branch and flipping onto the terrace. I walk inside and cross my arms before looking around.

"What are you going to do today?" Esme asks from the kitchen.

"What I always do. Clean, rearrange, clean again, then sit in silence to be alone with my thoughts, clean again, sit in silence again with my own dangerous thoughts then well, everyone is home by that time." I reply

"I'm sorry that you're stuck here all of the time." She says.

"Don't be, it's not your fault." I state.

"I can only imagine what it's like." She shakes her head.

"Well, Einstein always said imagination is more important than knowledge." I say. "But I've found that, even as hard as it is, you shouldn't dwell on the past. It does more harm than good."

+++++

It's hell, isolation for the damned, torture, a constant reminder that I'm a monster. I massacred so many people that night. I couldn't stop. My bloodlust was too strong. If it had a heartbeat, it died. I lost control. I hate myself for it. I barely utter a word around Edward, I barely go near Edward. He is a constant reminder of what I am. He unleashed it. One of these days he will pay. He will pay for turning my life into a living hell.

"Take a break, go read a book or something." Esme says in a motherly tone.

"Routine keeps me from completely going out of my mind." I state.

"Elena, honey, take a break. Go out and take a walk, you've been going out less and less everyday." She says, this time more demanding, but still soft and dear. "You're going to lose what little bit of yourself is left if you don't at least leave the house twice a day."

"That last little bit of me that's left, that's Emmett." I purse my lips. "Not going out and taking long walks or watching sunsets. It's Emmett, it always has been, and will always continue to be that last little bit of myself that's left."

"Maybe you could get more of yourself back, if you'd try." She states.

"I have tried. I do try. I've tried almost everything except for killing Edward. He's the reason I am the way I am. He's the one who made me go rogue. He's the one who helped me continue to kill all of those people. He's the one who forcefully introduced me to human blood. I was going to leave! He followed me and he slit that man's throat! I didn't have a fighting chance! I knew it was wrong I still tried to leave! He wouldn't let me! I fought it even after he smeared the blood over my lips. I tried so hard! It's him! It's always been him! It'll always be him! He is what made me the monster I am. He ruined me completely. It'll be a very long time before I get the slightest bit of myself left. So I've learned it's better to just stop trying so hard because it ain't gonna happen anytime soon."

I clench my fists before taking a deep breath and letting them loose. I turn and walk out on the terrace. I rest my elbows against the railing and put my head in my hands. I run a hand through my hair before jumping over the edge and running out into the woods. I slam my back against a tree and slide down until my butt hits the ground. I bury my head in my knees and try to hold the tears back. I squeeze my legs against my body and rock back and forth. I pull myself together and slowly rise to my feet. I close my eyes and inhale. A familiar sound fills my ears and I turn my head slowly in the direction of where it came from. I inhale again before taking off toward deer. I stop when I get close and glance at bigger game, a cougar. I crouch down and watch as the cougar goes to pounce. I drain the blood from it and wipe my lips. I turn and smirk at the deer running away.

"Not today." I growl before killing it as well.