My Brother's Keeper// Twilight [ON HOLD]

13. Hold Me

ELENA

I gather all my hair into a ponytail and then sit on the bed.

"You're still having those flashbacks aren't you?" Emmett asks from the door.

"Yeah, yeah I am." I reply. "I don't think there's even a way to make them stop."

"There's got to be a way." He shakes his head.

"Not all problems have solutions." I shrug.

"This isn't algebra, this is real life." He deadpans.

"I don't know Emmett, maybe the flashbacks are meant to be punishment for murdering all of those innocent people." I sigh.

"That wasn't you El." He states.

"It was me. Every part of me ached for more, I wanted to do it." I shake my head. "I just didn't want to face the consequences afterwards."

"You didn't want to do it until Edward smeared blood on your face."

"No. When he slit the man's throat, I knew he would die. The scent drove me mad, and I had to put him out of his misery, but I knew Carlisle's rule. Then Edward pushed me to cave in, so I did, and then I couldn't stop."

"Edward made you snap." He says.

"But I kept going." I state.

"It wasn't your fault Elena. This is not on you." He speaks sternly.

"Then why am I the one being punished?" I retort.

"They didn't want you to lose control again." He says.

John walks through the door and I sit on the couch with a hand on my stomach.

"How are you doing love?" He asks sitting beside me.

"I'm doing good." I reply with a smile. "It won't be long now." He puts his hand on my stomach and smiles.

"I took work off next week so I could be with you." He states.

"You didn't have to do that." I retort.

"Yes I did, I have to be here with you when you have our child." He retorts.

"Emmett is still out, who knows when he'll be home." I state.

"Oh well." He shrugs. We kiss lightly. "I love you Elena Lynn McAllister."

"And I love you Johnathan Lucas Anderson."

"I can't. I can't, I can't." I shake my head and tears streak my face. "I can't." Emmett wraps his arms around me tightly and soothes my hair, holding me and against his chest. I continue to sob into his chest as my walls come tumbling down. "Kill me."

"Elena I'm not going to kill you." He states.

"Please, I can't do this anymore. Just kill me." I sob. "Kill me please."

"Elena no." He shakes his head. "I need you."

"I'm not me anymore, please kill me." I beg.

"I can't do that. I love you too much." His eyes tear up.

"Then let me go. Let me be at peace." I cry.

"Elena don't! Just stop saying that!" His eyes turn red. "Dammit I need you."

"No, you need the old me." I shake my head.

"I need you, you're still my big sister, my fucking twin, I can't go on without you." He states.

"I'm not who I used to be." I stare at the floor.

"You're still my sister." I turn and wrap my arms around him and bury my face in his shoulder. "I've got you."

"I'm a mess." I sob then start to laugh. "I'd blame it on hormones but my body stopped producing those quite a while ago." He laughs and rocks me side to side.

"Still my big sister." He smiles.

"Yeah, even though nowadays you take care of me more than I you."

"That's what family is for." He rubs my back. "Besides, dad always told us never to break a promise, and we promised to always take care of each other no matter what."

"Always and forever." I smile.

"Always and forever."