Nomanda-Let Her Go

The Intervention and What Happened There

A/N: From James' POV

We're sitting in chairs in the center of the studio, all of A Troupe, waiting for Noah to arrive at practice. 

It's been almost three months since Amanda's accident, and we decided we needed to do something to help the guy out. 

He's been so quiet, so destroyed since the news that she was in a coma, and we've got to figure out how to help him. The girls figured we should have him talk about it, so here we are.

Finally, Noah walks in the door, shoulders hunched. He takes one look at us and backs away, but Miss Kate shuts the door behind him before pretending to hide in her office while listening to everything we say. That's OK, she's kind of like a second mother to all of us. 

"Noah," Henry says. "Hey man, we just want to talk."

"Yeah, Noah. Please, we just want to help you," Riley gestures to the empty chair next to her.

Noah stiffly walks over, sensing there's no point in resisting. 

"What?" He flatly states.

Riley shifts uncomfortably. "We...well, Noah we just want to know what's wrong, and how we can help."

"You can help by not staging stupid interventions and actually have dance practice," Noah scoffs bitterly. 

"Hey!" I defend Riley. "Noah, we just want to know what's going on with you! Look, I get that your girlfriend is in the hospital--"

Riley shoots me a horrified look. Whoops. May have come in a bit strong there.

"--I mean, um, we just want to know why it is you feel so guilty about the whole thing!"

Noah glares at me in a way I've never seen before. "You want to know why I feel so guilty?"

Everyone sort of nods their heads.

"It's because it's my fault!" His voice is trembling, with sadness or anger I can't tell. "It's my fault that she went on that tour, it's my fault that Amanda isn't here right now! It's my fault that she might never be again!" Something in him snaps, and he slumps into the chair. "It's all my fault..." he whispers, and Riley gently lays a hand on his back.

We all freeze. Noah looks so vulnerable right now, and I can't figure out what to do.

"Noah, there is no way this is your fault!" I'm surprised it's Michelle that talks. Aside from Noah, she was hit hardest by Amanda's condition. I know the two were--are really close friends. 

Noah laughs in a crazy way. "Yes, yes it is. You don't know, but it is."

"Would you...would you like to talk about it?" Riley asks tentatively.

For a few seconds Noah doesn't do anything. It's as if I can actually see his brain debating this fact, whether or not he wants to open up. I'm almost convinced Noah won't say anything, but then he starts to speak.

"They called her back," Noah begins, his voice slightly hoarse. "A touring company she auditioned for. They had told her she hadn't gotten it, but then they called her back."

We're all silent, listening.

"We were on a date," as Noah says this I can hear his voice breaking again, but he holds it together. "and my phone buzzed. They meant to call her, but they got me instead. They told me everything. How...how she had gotten it, how touring started soon and they wanted her their immediately. How the tour would be on the opposite side of Canada."

He stops, shuddering.

"I could have not told her. I could have kept it a secret, and she wouldn't have left. I could have...but I didn't. It was her dream, and so I told her and I told her she should go and follow this amazing opportunity."

There are tears running down his face now.

"She asked me if I was sure. She told me she didn't want to leave me, and if I didn't want her to go she would stay. I wanted her to stay, but I knew she would be happier if she went. If she didn't go she would forever regret it. 

"I told her she should go, and she looked at me and she--she smiled and said that it was a long way away, I told her that no matter how far away she was I would always be with her, always."

Amy and Piper and Michelle are tearing up too.

"She went. She was on the tourbus coming back and she was calling me..." Noah trails off and no one can blame him. Maybe this wasn't the best idea. But then he starts again.

"We were talking and then suddenly there was this screech, this horrible, terrible smashing sound and I was yelling and someone in the background screamed and then all I could hear was her, she was just saying 'oh God, Noah oh god, oh my god' and--and then there was nothing. There was nothing else and I didn't know what to do and she almost died because of me. She's gone because of me!"

He's sobbing, but so is everyone else.

He's finally shared his story, and we're all trying to tell him it wasn't  his fault, there was no way to have predicted the truck, it was all chance, but deep inside I know it won't work. 

The only way to heal Noah is to heal Amanda, and we aren't even sure if Amanda will ever wake up. 

A/N: ANGST such ANGST oh my goodness.