Before Doesn't Matter: A Mericcup Love Story

Chapter 4 --- A New Friend

 HI Everyone!!!! I don't really have much to say about this again. I hope you enjoy. I really like writing so I will be updating A LOT!! No I don't have a big social life. That's why I'm constantly updating. I hope you like this chapter. :0)

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> Hiccup <

Not much happened after training. Everyone talked, gave me death glares, and headed home. Except me. I told my dad this morning that I was going to be a little late getting home after school. But he didn't know that I wasn't going to be home at all. He said he needed to talk to me but I told him it would just have to wait and then left. I guess I'll never find out what he had to say. As I walked through the woods I couldn't help but think about what happened today. I thought about Astrid, Erik, Luna, Ellie, Merida. I stopped.

Merida.

She wasn't mean to me at all today. She was actually nice. And the other new kids were nice too. I looked around and realized I was in a small clearing.

Perfect.

No one was around to see me. It was perfect. I took out my knife, the same knife I used to cut Astrid last week.

Astrid.

She wasn't really nice to anyone. She calls her gang her friends but we all know better. I hear people talking about her sometimes. Her "friends" are only with her because she is like a leader that everyone is scared of. Erik is like her second in command. Your either with them or against them, and somewhere down the line they got the impression that I was against them. They've been bullying me for so long that I don't even remember when it all started.

That's why I have to do this. Its the only way. I have no other options. No friends. No future.

I hold my knife up. I can see my reflection in it.

Their are other ways of getting rid of your pain.

But I already tried them all: cutting, fighting back, killing any non-human thing that got in my way. They just don't work. Its not like I have people to talk to talk to. Astrid was right.

You are NOTHING! NOBODY likes you!

I turn the sharp end of the knife towards me.

This is it. No turning back after this.

Wait. NO turning back.

This thought had never occurred to me before. Once I'm dead. . I'm dead. I can NEVER come back.

That's the point, to teach them all a lesson they will NEVER forget.

Your right. They will feel guilty for the rest of their lives.

I close my eyes.

Your really going to do this. Your really going to die.

Go on. DO IT!! And all your pain will go away.

Some times not all pain goes away.

I think of Merida. Her hair, her eyes, her laugh, and even her accent. I wonder what will happen to her. She was the first person to show me kindness in years. But that's nothing compared to ending my pain forever. That's nothing compared to going to a better place. That's nothing compared to getting rid of my anger, sadness, depression, fear, and to my surprise. . .  grief. Sure their will be some pain before I finally die, but that will only last for a little bit before it all goes away. I tightly grip the knife like someone will take it away again.