edited
jacob
jacob watched the liquid in his cup taunt him, he wanted so bad to drink his sorrows away, but that never works it only makes the hurt worse. but jacob didn't care after he was on his fifth drink of the night. jacob was slowly was killing himself with each shot of whisky he took mixed with the antidepressant the doctors prescribed him when he was 18 two months after the death of troye when his depression spiraled out of control.
jacob now twenty four years old was still trying to get over the loss of troye. people called him crazy for loving someone who's never coming back, others said troye would've wanted jacob to be happy without him here.
jacob didn't want that because that required making new memories and forgetting the ones he shared with troye.
yes he did promise troye, but not all of them can be kept.
the liquid in his cup swirled around as he tried his best to force the feelings to the back of his mind.
don't feel, don't feel. jacob told himself.
ever since the death of troye, jacob never once allowed himself to get close to anyone nor has he allowed himself to love someone else, because of how badly the death of troye hurt him he couldn't have that happen again.
remembering the feeling in his heart when troye would say i love you, or kiss him till he couldn't think straight, made him want to curl up into a ball and sleep his days away and forgot the feeling. he wanted nothing more but to feel it again to touch his skin and to hold him but troye was dead it was impossible.
"why did you want to be thin?" he swallows the lump in his throat as he throws back the glass of whiskey, the contents burning his throat.
"you were beautiful thin or not," he sobbed. speaking to the sky almost as if he was speaking to troye.
"you died believing you weren't beautiful," jacob cried out, his chest hurting. "but god were you beautiful," he smiled sadly to himself, remembering the bright blue eyed boy who stole his heart. "so fucking beautiful." jacob whispers softly, wiping the tears from his cheeks.
he was beautiful to jacob no matter what size he was he meant the world to jacob. now jacob doesn't have his world to hold onto anymore.
YOU ARE READING
thin - tracob
Fanfiction"it hurts." troye cries holding onto jacob for dear life, the pain in his body so great dying felt worth it. jacob kisses his forehead, salty tears falling down his face. "i know it hurts." !tracob! | triggering content |
