Chained Hearts

Learn to Trust

L woke up with a short shriek. His heart was beating quickly and his panic disorder kicked in. He held his hand to his mouth as the sat up in bed. The tears stung his eyes as he tried to keep his emotions in check. His breaths came out raspy and quick as he tried his hardest to calm down.

He didn't want to risk waking up Light who was sound asleep next to him. Or so he thought.

" L is that you " the sleepy voice of Light asked. L stayed silent as he felt the tears run down his cheeks. " I'm fine go back to sleep Light-kun " L said hoping he didn't sound like he felt. He knew the second his voice escaped his lips that Light would know he really wasn't ok. He felt the bed dip slightly on Light's side as he propped himself up on his elbows.

L was thankful for the darkness, it made it so Light couldn't see him in his time of weakness. " L......" Light trailed of making L's hearts race faster and faster. He silently prayed Light couldn't see his face.

He felt Lights hand slowly graze his cheek, slowly turning him towards him. He sighed and complied, turning his head to the left where Light was seated. " L, are you crying?" Light asked softly. He paused for a moment before sighing. He didn't want to have to lie to Light, he loved him too much for that.

L ended up deciding it would be better for him to just not say anything at all, hoping that Light was to tired to analyze why he wasn't saying anything. L knew the probability of this actually working was very slim but he didn't really care that much.

And of course it didn't. L felt Lights hands place themselves on his cheeks, rubbing his thumbs over his smooth skin. " L....why are there tears on your cheeks? Have...... have you been crying " Light asked in a reasonably calm demeanor considering L had never cried before.

" ....No" The words were shaky as they left L's lips. L heard Light sigh quietly before Light took his hands in his own " L.....Please after all we've been through...don't lie to me " Light whispered as he slowly brought L's shaky hands to his lips and kissed them.

L felt his cheeks get hot as he felt Light's soft lips against his hands " Light-kun why..why are you being nice to me " He asked, silently cursing himself to stuttering. " L....how can you of all people can't see. Can't see that I love you. " Light whispered as if afraid L would shatter if his voice was raised to high.

" H-how could someone so perfect like you....love a emotionless monster like me?" L asked looking over to where he presumed Light to be. L looked away after a second, his cheeks hot as he replayed the words he had just spoken in his head over and over. Torturing himself with every syllable, every annunciation of every word hurt like a knife in his heart.

L looked up at Light, expecting some sort of answer, any at all. Even a simple no to tell L that he was being stupid and that Light really did love him. But all L was met with was silence, seconds upon seconds of silence. The silence pierced through him, making him wonder if Light ever loved him at all.

Then the silence was broken, by a small sniffle. L's eyes shot up to where Light was seated in the darkness. " don't...you ever....say that again." Light forced out. Even in the darkness L knew that tears were threatening to leave his eyes, to fall down his cheeks and make themselves present. " Don't ever let me hear those words come out of your mouth again. " Light said, his voice stronger now as if he had regained his composure.

L felt the bed rise up and Light's hands left his own. L wondered what Light was doing, that was before the lights overhead flashed on. Light had turned on the lights. L instinctively hide his arms, even though his long sleeved shirt covered them, hiding everything from the world.

" L, can I please see your arms........ I need to know if my suspicions were correct " Light said in a calm understanding voice. L shook his head no, not saying a word in fear his emotions might unravel. Light sighed " I just want to help you L.....please....just let me help.....let me in. " Light begged. L shakily moved his arms away from his chest, towards Light. He knew that the moment he saw the scars, it would be over. This small sweet romance would be tragically over, all because of him. One might not even be able to call it a romance because of how short it was, but it was still amazing to L. He didn't to lose Light, he really didn't but he really didn't see another way.

As Light pushed his sleeves back his eyes gave way, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. He couldn't control his emotions in the moment, everything had just gone so far. He never wanted his secrets to be found out, especially by Light. L heard a gasp and Light's grip tightened on his arm slightly, he had seen.

L looked at his arm, studying it. It was unhealthily skinny and pale, but that wasn't the worst part. There were scars. So many scars it would take hours just to get the correct number. Some were deep and other's were shallow. Some were white and old, others were a light pink, healing slowly. But others.....they were a deep crimson red, sickeningly fresh.

" L.....you've b-be....how long?" Light stuttered. He didn't know what to say, what were you supposed to say? " So long I've forgotten a time when i didn't " L replied in a monotone voice. He never liked talking about his scars, he was ashamed of them. Wouldn't most people who were still struggling be ashamed.

Tears quickly fell down Light's cheeks, leaving behind tracks, making his face look shiny in the light. " Why.....Why didn't you tell me?" Light forced out, his face twisting into one of hurt and pain. " Why didn't you trust me with this?" He pleaded. L, after a moment of silence, met Light's eyes. " Because I'm ashamed.....because I didn't know if you loved me.....because I was scared to. " L rattled of reasons. So many reasons but none of them good enough to give as the real reason.

L's rambling was cut of by Light doing something completely unexpected. He pressed his lips lightly to L's scarred over skin. Over and over again, making sure there wasn't a single patch of skin that he had missed. " Promise me you won't ever do this again. " Light said in a serious tone as he looked back up at L. L didn't know how to respond, so he gave a small nod.

" I want to hear you say it " Light said, his tone matching his eyes. " I-I....promise to... never do it...again " He stuttered out, tears falling down his cheeks. " I believe you " Light whispered " I'm sorry if I scared you " Light whispered. " It's ok " L responded in a meek voice. In this moment he wasn't the three greatest detectives in the world. No. He was weak. He knew he was weak and his inner thoughts reminded him how worthless he was and how he would never amount to anything. He believed them. Every last word.

" L what's wrong.....you seem....of " Light said, pulling L from his thoughts of pity and self destruction. " Nothing.....I'm fine Light-kun " L whispered. But he wasn't fine. He was anything but fine. Light picked up on this fact but went along with the lie. " Alright...just making sure. You can tell me anything you know that right? " Light said with a small smile. " I know........I just.... I have a hard time trusting people. " L admitted, his fingers knotted in the sheets of the bed.

Light nodded, slowly putting his arms around L. Softly. He would help L. He would get L to trust him. To love him.