Broken heart of a warrior (ON HOLD)

Chapter 14

I flew down the dimly lit hall and out from this cursed place.  Cursing all the way under my breath, I could not believe the audacity of that slut and my so called father.  I just knew another moment in there and blood would have covered the golden walls.  Master assured me that all will be well and the time is near.  I think that is why I can walk away even though I crave their destruction even more now. 

As I opened the grand entry doors, cold air caressed my face bring with it the smell of freedom. I just couldn´t press all the emotions and feeling back in that cursed box I have hidden all the despair that  what had happened in that room into the depth of my subconscious mind where I have been able to stash all pain from the past.  The feeling and emotions don’t want to return to the ice incrusted box that is deeply suppressed and has helped me move one.  The thoughts are seeping out the edges sneaking into my mind as the memories and the dreams try to surface again.  I should never attend the dinner; I should have made up some sort of an excuse.  I continue belittle myself as I followed along a small path thru the garden.  I almost exposed who I really am.  This is so not good! 

Damn Jonathan and everything what he made me go thru.  I still cannot understand how his flesh and blood, child from his beloved mate, and my childhood hero could have done this to me.  I want answers but it will never erase what I have become.

I know Ant has figured it out.  The look on his face, screamed betrayal, I just hope he will forgive me for the deception.  I don’t deserve him and knew becoming a Warrior I had to let go of my past but he is one of mine.  Even if Ant shuns me for the rest of our existence, he will know I am alive, I have changed but I live.  Just hope he keeps it to himself and does not tell anyone else.  Oh how I pray he won’t run to him and say anything.  All will be ruined.

I don’t feel sorry for standing up for Ant; I could not sit by and allow that injustice.  If I had to do it again I would regardless of the cost.  I have no tolerance for the ill treatment of those I love and I will not idly standby and allow what is mine to be treated as such.  Those fools they disgust me.  They never have made efforts to know who Ant really is.  Their treatment is a disgrace to the throne.  He is being treated as damn outsider, as a second class citizen. Their mistreatment is beyond understanding.  How can they do this to him?  By God they didn’t even allow him to sit near them at dinner.  These are the leaders of the werewolf’s!  Leaders that cannot even lead in their own home have no business on the throne!  How can you support the people, guide them, and rule when you cannot even support your own flesh and blood, believe in them, and guide them through life so that the future can be strong and make healthy and wise choices even when you don’t agree with their choices.  That is suppose be unconditional.  It is deplorable and beyond reason to shun you own child because in the eyes of aristocrats bisexualism is taboo.  Really the narrow minded fools are just selfish bastards who only think about their reputation!

No wonder the rebels are attacking and demanding change.  Just take a look it’s pathetic and seriously, this is more dysfunctional than anyone wants to admit.  They are so concerned about what others will say and think? They are so worried about titles and status rather than being leaders by modeling and understanding needs and issues of their people. 

Without thinking, I trusted my fist into the nearest tree with all my force.  The crack could be heard echoing across the forest as the base caved around my fist.  Everything I was feeling in that moment went directly into that tree as if it was at fault.  I slowly removed my hand, turned, and continued wondering down the path I was following.  I did not matter where I was headed as long as it was away from the palace.  I knew I was too emotionally raw to return anytime soon. 

I can still hear her maddening voice slither across my mind.  I can latterly feel the hair starting to extend from my flesh.  My beast has been itching to be let loose but just the memory has it begging to come out and play.  I battle internally to hold it at bay, knowing Master’s hands are full right now I applied everything I know to lock the beast back.  Oh how I want to let it lose on her hide and revel in her carnage but that only bring joy for a moment.  The after effect is never pleasant.  I just wish that damn excuse of a woman Clarynn, could keep her mouth shut.  She thrives on being rude and making comments that hurt others.  The vile bitch, one day soon she will get hers in return.  Reap what you sow.