Broken heart of a warrior (ON HOLD)

Chapter 16

Loyal fans and readers,

Thank you again for reading our next installment.  I apologize for the long wait but life really is sucky sometimes and desire over ability is hard.  Suzy82 and I are family and work first then we get to play.  We have to pay the bills somehow and unfortunately life brings unexpected adventures at times. 

Reminder to all those reading that we know there is editing, tense changes, etc. So there really is no reason to comment about it.  However, if you must I won’t hold it against you. 

SO if you choose to read knowing that there will be things that drive some of you crazy it is a choice.  Over the summer I will be able to focus on that part of the process.  However, thought you all would like more rather than wait several more weeks.  I have CH 17 too, so hope to get it out soon. 

Happy readying, Shellbell232

(ROUGHLY EDITED)

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“You hit like a damn girl Axel, even Miri can punch better than that!” I snicker as his eyes narrow on me.

Today was a new day.  I cannot let the failures and loss of control last night keeping me from doing my job.  After last nights near explosion, I have been able to catch onto the emotions bombarding me I sealed them back inside.  I found my footing, returning to my purpose and mission.  I am back on track, I am in control once again and I am in control, for I am a Warrior. I figure if I keep telling myself this it will help. 

I duck and twist to escape his right cross as the disruption in the air can be felt across my face as Axel counter attacked.  We are in the middle of a sparring match but the punk was holding back when I needed to go all out.  The beast was still there begging to be released.  It is essential that us Warriors remain discipline and do simulations to maintain control over our beast or when will be destroyed from within. 

The high level of attack we place on one another is sight to be seen but highly guarded.  It allows us a release as well as honing in our instinctive skills to address any unforeseen events.  You never know what is around the next corner and being on the top of your game is the difference of life or death.  These drills are vital to our survival and he was not giving his all as usual.  Time to step up the game and I just knew what buttons to push.         

After yesterday I needed this to keep from imploding and crossing over that fine line into insanity resulting in Master having to take me out.  Once a Warrior crossed over they are no longer aware of right or wrong.  They only seek death and destruction with an insatiable taste for blood.  There is not one case where control was regained.  It’s a state of no return.  Shuttering I glance back at Axel who is preparing to try kick my legs out from underneath me. 

Silly boy he knows I am lighter on my feet than him.  I leap and try pounce as he rolls from my moves.  Slight growl escapes as I hone in on my target.  Sometimes I feel bad for what I am about to do but it sure feels nice to be back in control.  Life without who I am now would have not been worth living. 

Without Master and Blade, I would have succumbed years ago.  Master has never been far from me except on missions.  This ways are alluring and beyond understanding.  I trust no one but him.  Between the two they have shown me how to remain rooted and separate myself from the emotions and pain.  I learned how to bottle them and move forward driven to be more than I am.  To become the fighter, lover, and a Warrior who will no longer be a victim. 

Within in Blade’s arms I am able to exist without gut wrenching pain and torture from the memories and thoughts of what was and never can be.  He has an ability to clear my mind and allow a brief reprieve from the constant attack on my control from within.  Since accepting my fate, I often wish that Blade could have been my soul mate.  That he would hold the heart strings of my existence and heal the pain.  I wish he could be more to me.