New Girl (GirlxGirl/Lesbian Story) [Completed]

Chapter 18

»Sam, wake up.« Anna said shaking me. I didn’t want to get up. I wanted to fall asleep again and to continue having the dream I’ve just head. Where everything was alright, where Colby and I were still together. I really had to keep myself together to not start crying instantly. I didn’t want Anna to know. I didn’t want anyone to know how hurt I was. Especially not Colby. It wouldn’t mean a thing anyways. She probably hated me now. But it was my own fault. Of course it was. I was too stupid to let her in and help me. I could’ve done it. But no. I just had to deal with everything myself. Why the hell was I so dumb?! Because of my stubbornness I’ve lost the love of my life and most likely would have to leave! I hated me for that. I hated me for being so god damn stupid and for shutting everyone out. But the reason I hated me the most for was that I hurt Colby. When she broke up with me I could see the hurt all over her face. I could see how much I broke her and it really broke my heart. It was never my intention to hurt her. Not even a bit. When we started our relationship I promised myself to do everything possible just to make her happy and to beat up everyone who even dared to hurt her. Well… Seems like I’d have to beat up myself later. Not that I would have any problems with that. I deserved it. I really, really deserved getting even more hurt than I was right now. I deserved to be broken physically and mentally. I deserved everything bad in this world. Every pain, every bit of sadness. »Sam.« Anna interrupted my self-judging thoughts. »Get up or you’ll be late for school. Colby can’t wait for you just because you’re too lazy to get up.« When I heard her name it was over. I felt tears rolling down my cheeks as I buried my face into the pillow trying to keep my sobs quiet. I still couldn’t wrap my mind about not being together with her anymore. She meant, no, she means the world to me. My first real love, my everything. Colby was the one I wanted to be with for now and forever. I wanted her to hold me right now, to tell me everything would get better. But my wishes wouldn’t become true. Why would they? I didn’t deserve anything good anymore. Not after what I did to her. I felt someone’s hand on my back stroking across it in circles. »Sammy?« Anna whispered now and brushed the hair out of my face to see it properly. »Hey… What’s wrong?« Without saying a word I sat up and wrapped my arms around her now letting my tears fall freely. It all hurt too much to bear it. MY eyes were stinging from all the crying yesterday, my head hurt because I was thinking the whole time and my heart ached because it knew we’ve just lost everything we’ve ever wanted. »Tell me. What’s on your mind?«

»Colby…« I choked out but couldn’t continue. The lump in my throat was too huge to speak. »She… She… broke up… with me.« I whispered in between my heavy sobs not even caring that I just revealed our relationship. Or better former relationship. Anna’s T-Shirt was drenched because of my tears and after telling her what happened I hugged her even tighter. »I… miss her…« I continued. »It hurts so bad.«

»Shh… It’s going to be alright…« Anna whispered soothing my hair. In any other situation that would’ve helped. The soothing words and her rocking me back and forth like she used to when we were little. But this time there was no way I could fix everything. Never.

»No. It won’t, Anna! I messed up! I messed up completely! She hates me!« I shouted pushing her away. Anna looked at me shocked before she slightly smiled at me only irritating me even more. »Don’t smile at that! It’s not funny! I’ve just lost the love of my life! And it hurts like a son of a bitch! SO DON’T YOU DARE TO FUCKING SMILE!« I yelled at her throwing wild punches at her. I couldn’t think properly. I only wanted this to end. All the pain, the misery. It was only one day we’ve been separated but it was already too long for me. I couldn’t go a second without knowing she was by my side. And now she broke up with me. She would never tell me she loved me again, I would never feel her lips or her touch again. How was I supposed to survive without the most beautiful thing in the world? How was I supposed to live without her, the most amazing person in this god damn world, by my side? There was no way I could do that. Not ever. With struggles Anna finally help my arms and stopped me from punching her again before looking into my eyes with sympathy.