Chapter 7: The First Ashes

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"Tesha I need to talk to you."

Murtvika had come into the café unannounced. Usually she would call Monohan when she was going to come in a couple times a week, so I could take my break and spend some time with her. Today, I'd had no idea she was coming in, and it was already late afternoon so I'd already taken my break.

"I didn't know you were coming in," I said. "I don't think I ca-"

She interrupted me. "It's really important, come here." The urgency in her voice prompted me to follow her, looking around to see if anyone would notice as I walk outside the building with her. She didn't waste any time.

"They know. Monohan and Agni know."

"Know what?" I tried to play dumb, but I knew exactly where this conversation was going. It had been a month since the night under the stars, and my "secret life" with my friends the man I was publically in a relationship with (public in the cafe at least) had become a normal thing. Murtvika gave me an understanding look- she could read me like a book. "How did YOU know?" I rephrased.

"I've seen you all sometimes..." she trailed off. "Driving by, or stopping by." My hands were cold but I rubbed my palms against my jeans anyway to wipe off nonexistent sweat.

"It's not what you think," I tried to tell her.

"No, it's exactly what we think," she said. "You're falling off the path, aren't you?

"We?" I repeated. "You said that it was good to enjoy life and-"

"You're taking it too far!" she yelled, more out of fear than anger. "You're getting distracted! They're taking you away. I was going to keep your secret, but ever since you've been with that boy... it's too dangerous."

"Wait," I stopped her. "You 'were' going stay quiet? Did you... tell them" My voice squeaked. She wouldn't look me directly in the eyes.

"I had to," she said quietly. "I couldn't lie to them..."

"Murtvika!" I exclaimed. "They have been kinder to me than anyone I've ever met! You are the only believer who has been completely supportive of me. And even now I can see you aren't!"

"It's for your own good," she said. There were tears in her eyes, despite the bitterness in her tone. As she said this, Monohan's car pulled up in front of us.

"Get in the car," he said. I hesitated, stumbling over the words to say. "I already called your boss, now get in the car!" He was yelling now. He never yelled.

"I'm sorry," Murtvika mumbled faintly as I opened the car door in horror. Her skin began turning grey and I turned around to run back to her. She was almost transparent.

"Oh my- what's happening to you?!" I screamed, holding onto her arm as she swayed. She didn't speak- or perhaps couldn't- and looked at me mournfully as she faded. Her body lost form and she crumbled into ash around my feet. I fell to my knees, confused and horrified at the same time. Tears burned down the sides of my face as I looked back at Monohan. His eyes were filled with fire as he yelled at me to get in the car one last time. I was so afraid that I got in and closed the door without even looking back.

"What have you done..." he trailed off, voice sterner than I'd ever heard. I had no idea what to say. I brushed ashes off of my fingers as my mind raced.

"You've betrayed us, the ones who love you the most," he said, answering for me. "You've disrespected us, set a horrible example for everyone around you- especially Astrio! You wanted to take care of him as your own, we were right not to trust you. Look at you- flouncing around with loose people. They have no direction and they're taking yours away too."

"I'm sorry," my throat felt like it was closing in and the tears kept pouring down my cheeks.

"You killed Murtvika!"

"I didn't kill her!" I tried to protest. "I don't know what happened!"

"Your foolishness took her life, and for what? Nothing."

"Monohan..."

"No. No more until we get home. Agni has more to say to you."

And so we sat there in silence as he drove. My mind was empty of everything but what was going to happen now. I needed to be stronger. But I wasn't. When we arrived home, Agni was at the door holding the lock to the gate. It had been weeks, but I realized I'd left it on the ground; no one used it so they hadn't noticed until now.

"You have shamed us," she said gravely. "Explain yourself." I didn't think they would give me the chance to speak, so I stumbled over my words.

"I was trying..." I started weakly. I stood up taller, knowing this might be my only chance to prove myself. "I don't think distractions are bad. I think that distractions are what make up this world, and if we don't enjoy them, we're just living to die."

The two of them gasped in horror; I had just spoken against everything they believed in. "I should have never allowed you to go to that café..." Monohan mumbled as Agni wept. She suddenly became tender, rushing towards me and grabbing my arm harshly.

"Tesha... Tesha it's not too late for you," her eyes were desperate. "They've pulled you away, but there's still hope. We can put all this behind us. We can forgive you." Her nails dug into my arm and, as I looked between her and Monohan something twisted in my heart. They were so strong, so convincing. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe they were the only ones who were right. So I started crying.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I said over and over again as they embraced me. "Please don't lose trust in me, I'll be better now."

"We don't distrust you," Monohan said comfortingly. "We just know you are incapable of making good decisions. That's what we're here for." Agni held out her hand, and I knew she knew; I handed her the phone. All while looking at me lovingly, she threw it on the ground, shattering it into pieces. I knew it was over.

That night at dinner, Astrio kept looking at me worriedly, but I kept a neutral look on my face.

"Now, I think it's important we establish some rules," Agni said peacefully. "You know we trust you, but to make sure you make some better decisions, Tesha, Monohan will be with you when you work at the café from now on."

I almost spit out my water. "What?"

"Yes," she continued. "He always writes his news articles in solitude, but we think it will be better if he works in the café while you're there. That way he can get his work done and also keep an eye on you- it's a win-win, don't you think?"

I looked at her with wide eyes, but knew I would be condemned for arguing. "Yes," I said simply. I looked at Monohan, who was busy focusing on his meal. Astrio continued to look pale and concerned, but I wouldn't let him see me break. He followed our guardians so patiently and seemed happy to do so, I couldn't have him thinking that he should be like me and break the rules. I wanted him to live a happy life, and right now he seemed contented with his lot. Secretly, I wasn't sure if he really believed in the path- maybe he was too young to understand, maybe he just didn't agree. For his sake, I hoped that he genuinely wanted to be on the path because I wasn't starting realize I didn't. And now my life was going to close off altogether.

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