The Edge of Reality

Chapter 14: Disguises

Anymore, Camm seemed to be the only person I could really talk to. Everyone else was either too distant or too judgmental, so my time with him started to take priority. I was constantly looking forward to the next time I'd get to relax and talk to him, whether it was when he would stop into the cafe, during occasional group events or going over to his apartment in the evenings. As we gradually got mentally closer, he also creeped towards getting physically closer as well. It was little things- a head on my shoulder, a brush of my hand, a playful arm around me. In the back of my mind I questioned what was really going on, but I was so comfortable around him that I didn't want to acknowledge anything. I didn't have feelings for him- I just really enjoyed being with him, and his touch was comforting and relieving when everything else around me was hectic. He seemed to feel the same way, because it came up in conversation occasionally.

"You know, you're probably the person I spend the most time with," he told me one night to the background noise of a thriller movie.

"Yeah, same," I said. "It feels like we just... get each other, you know?"

"I feel the same way, I'd much rather be with you than be alone like usual."

"Man, I haven't been nearly as lonely as when we started hanging out."

"Hey," he said, his voice changing to something more sympathetic. "I know you've been really down lately, but I promise everything is going to get better. And you know I'm always here for you." At that, he slowly slid his hand into mine, interlocking our fingers. I was fighting back tears, and I knew he was comforting me, so I didn't pull away. I tried to relax but I my body was clenched tightly- I was really nervous about him holding my hand. I think he could feel how tense I was, so he changed the subject after a moment.

"So I've been talking to this girl Lane lately, I'm thinking about asking her out."

"Ooo," I said teasingly. "Do you liiiike her?" The stress left my muscles as I exhaled a sigh, perhaps of relief. If he liked someone else, I wouldn't have to worry- he really was just comforting me.

"Yeah," he said simply. "Pretty sure she does too." Amidst the relief I felt, there was also a twinge of pain in my stomach at his words. "I am, however, a strong believer in cuddle buddies. They say cuddling relieves depression, you know." I smiled at him as he moved closer to me. I leaned on his shoulder as we continued watching the movie. This didn't feel quite right, but it felt safe and I wasn't doing anything wrong. Right now, I didn't have much else- I needed this, and he certainly did too. No feelings, no strings attached- just closeness.