The Edge of Reality

Chapter 10: The First Days

"We should go on a roadtrip," Lela said one day while we were lounging in my apartment. It had been a couple weeks since I moved in with Des and, as a result, her roommate Mara. Surprisingly, I'd made the transition smoothly. The environment was completely different with freedom to do anything I'd wanted at any time, but it felt so natural that it seemed like going back a month in time would have been a huge adjustment. Thankfully, I would never even have the chance to go back. It seemed like I should have been somewhat melancholy about that thought, but no emotions arose within me no matter how much I meditated on that thought.

"Where?" asked Camm. "I've never been outside of the city, is there anywhere else to go?" He said it jokingly, but something resounded oddly about his statement.

"There's not really a lot of good places outside of here," Mara said. I hadn't known her nearly as well or for as long, but it was clear she had a wisdom beyond ours. Usually I'd associated wisdom with the path, as that was all I'd known before. However, she seemed experienced in more worldly things- things to do with the time and place we lived in, rather than beyond.

"Well shit," Mareo interjected. "If you don't know, who would?"

"No," Lela said, impatiently. "Not far, just like a camping trip. I knew some people who had a cabin in the woods on the outskirts of the city."

"Oh, I know where you're talking about!" Des said. "They passed on, didn't they?"

"Can we stay there?" I asked cautiously. "It almost seems kind of disrespectful."

"Nah," Lela responded. "We were all pretty close, it would be fine."

"Well then we should definitely think about snacks, then," Mareo said lightheartedly, and we moved to making plans just like that. It was so strange to be in a place with people where we could make impromptu plans without difficulties. Then again, that's what they had been doing for years, I had only recently been part of it. I still went to work every weekday, now riding the bus like I'd always been taught not to, but now it didn't matter what I did in my free time. My friends would come in and hang out at the cafe at random, in less frequency than before, but now it didn't matter because I saw most of them every day anyway. Although we did go on frequent "adventures," this trip was probably the biggest thing we'd thought about in a while; we spent a lot of time just sitting around someone's house, apartment or the cafe just talking. Right now, we were in my bedroom in Des and Mara's apartment. It wasn't very big, but I kept it a lot cleaner than the rest of the place, so everyone gravitated towards the room naturally. As we continued talking about when to go up to the cabin, I got a text from Tahki on the new phone I'd finally been able to purchase. I hadn't seen her in a while, she claimed to be having some health problems she was dealing with at home. We had, however, been texting almost nonstop since I left.

"We should hang out soon" she said.

"Definitely. We're actually planning a camping trip soon, if you want to come." I responded.

"I don't know about that.. I'm not a wilderness fan. Maybe another time." she responded. I shrugged to myself and turned my attention back to the group- Dwyer was talking now, which seemed rare. He was often around with Mara, but didn't usually say much.

"...I can get it much cheaper by that ounce than by the gram," he was saying. "If you guys all want to pitch some cash, we can be set for the weekend."

"Wait, what?" I said, wishing I'd been listening.

"Have you ever smoked pot, Tesha?" Mara asked, smiling at me as though she were entertained.

"No..." I trailed off. Was that a drug? It must be a drug. I didn't know much about drugs, except that they were bad for you. I wasn't going to be a downer though- I had been trying my best to be more open-minded lately. As "loose" as I thought I'd been (or as my guardians had said I was), I was quickly realizing my ideas and opinions were somewhat outdated in the real world.

"You sound so nervous," she laughed. I didn't respond, so Dwyer looked over at me.

"Don't worry," he said. "I think you'll like it, trust me."

Mareo leaned over and whispered to me. "I've actually never done it either, we'll do it together." I wasn't quite sure what to think, but I was happy to be part of the experience. So when everyone started getting to leave and pooling money over to Dwyer, I gave him $20 without really knowing what I was buying. We decided to take the trip that weekend- just a couple days away- and I had a knot in my stomach that could only be from some combination of excitement and nerves. Before long, everyone had left the room to go back to their own business. Des and Eloy left hand-in-hand, I guessed they were an official couple now. Perhaps they always had been, but they seemed so natural together it was never something anyone thought about. When the room was empty of everyone but me and Mareo, we lay down on my bed together and stared at the ceiling at nothing in particular.

"Have you ever been outside of the city?" I asked him absentmindedly.

"I don't think so," he said, putting an arm around me. "I've driven around a lot, but I don't actually know what's out there."

"Why doesn't anyone know about what's out there?" I wondered, genuinely curious.

"Lela knows, I'm sure," Mareo said. "She seems to... get things. Things we don't."

"Yeah," I agreed. She got a little weird sometimes. She had grown somewhat distant from us in the past few weeks, despite consistently being with us. It seemed like she and Des weren't getting along anymore, but it was all so hidden that I couldn't tell. Either way, it was clear she had connections or some sort of knowledge that she kept quiet. "I'm excited for this trip," I said finally.

"Me too," Mareo responded. "I'm so glad you're out, that you can go with us." He kissed me on the forehead and wrapped his arm around me more tightly. We stopped talking after that and let sleep slowly creep up on us. I hadn't realized it, but it had gotten really late- maybe about 2:00 in the morning. Time didn't really matter to us before, but now days and nights meshed into each other even more than before. The only thing that made me keep to a schedule was my job, and even then I didn't sleep "regular hours." 2:00 AM was just as good a time for going out and doing things as it was sleeping, but we were doing the latter now. I let the warmth of his breath on my neck lull me into a trance-like rest. I don't know that I actually slept- in fact, I wasn't sure if I'd actually slept ever since I moved in. Maybe it was because none of this seemed real, or because it seemed like the only thing that was real. Maybe I was just enjoying sleeping side by side with the man I loved; it was a luxury we'd never had before, so he spent the night as often as possible. Sometimes it was innocent, sometimes it wasn't, but I enjoyed at all the same. Just as it had been for almost a year, he was the last thing in my mind as my consciousness faded and the first thing when I awoke again.