The Edge of Reality

Chapter 26: A Holiday Intermission

The days to Christmas Eve passed quickly, and before I knew it my roommates and I had planned an evening in the center of the city. It was a tradition that they carried and invited me in on without hesitation. I invited Naham as well, and realized it would essentially be our first date. We had been texting back and forth nonstop after the gala, but this is the first we would see each other since deciding to test out a relationship. Valtura, Gareth and I picked him up on the drive over and our night ensued. It had been snowing that morning, so the the world around us had taken on a glowing white sheen, illuminated by all of the christmas lights filling the city. The spot that Valtura finally parked at was indeed at the center of the city, marked by a decorated tree that must have been at least 60 feet tall. A small outdoor shopping center surrounded the area, and the four of us weaved in and out of stores among crowds who had gathered for the same purpose. The snow made everything feel eerily still, and the silence was only broken by scattered talking and the quiet sound of holiday music coming from speakers somewhere. As Naham took my hand, my mind flashed back to the days I spent with Mareo during the freeze, but I pulled myself back to the present. My fingers were interlocked with Naham's, not anyone else's- I was disappointed with myself that I had to keep thinking about this to avoid being distracted. We browsed the area for a good couple hours that evening, and stood off a balcony overlooking the view for about 20 minutes. It really was a beautiful night- a true christmas scene. For the first time in a long time, I felt a flutter of happiness in my chest. I was here with my friends, with my boyfriend. All was peaceful and still as we took in the view, breathing in the cold air and listening to the carolers sing in harmony from somewhere out of sight. I told myself to remember this moment as we stood in it, and before I knew it we were back in the car, dropping Naham off, going home, turning off the lights to give into the night. Valtura and Gareth went to their rooms as I pulled several thick blankets over me on the couch. A couple pills and the absence of thought were all it took me to fall asleep, back in the silence I partook in every night.

Christmas morning was likely one of the most serene mornings of my life so far. Valtura, Gareth and I did nothing but watch christmas themed movies while drinking hot drinks and opening gifts; Naham and I texted back and forth periodically adding to the experience. I had gotten Valtura a bunch of Star Wars memorabilia, as she'd made it abundantly clear it was her favorite, and had bought Gareth a subscription to some celebrity magazine he was always talking about. They had gotten me a joint gift- a really nice guitar. I was thrilled, as I'd been using Valtura's to learn some simple chords; now I could learn on my own. It had begun snowing again, and the mountain view from the windows surrounding us was nothing short of magnificent. I made myself a promise to make this level of peace my goal for the rest of my life. Even as I watched the moment slide by, I knew it would be hard to find a place so calm, but I'd had a taste of it and would someday reach it again. Maybe even without a steady stream of oxy running through my body.

After Christmas, it wasn't long before I knew I had to move on- Valtura and Gareth had graciously opened their home to me, but it wasn't meant to be forever. I told them I had a place I could go, but remained vague as I repacked my bags and had one last breakfast with them. In reality, I wasn't quite sure where I was going from here, but felt confident that I could figure it out along the way. As Valtura and I left the house for our usual workday routine, me with my bags in hand, Gareth leaned on the window and waved at me. I'd never know for sure, but I thought I saw him fade away as Valtura drove off. I craned my neck to try and see if he really was gone, but we were too far away. We didn't speak at all on the half hour drive to town, but she embraced me when she pulled up in front of the cafe.

"Thank you for everything," I said into her shoulder, holding back tears.

"I'm going to miss seeing you everyday!" she said, emotional herself.

"We better still hang out all the time," I said, pulling away and smiling at her. She didn't respond, but placed her hand over mine- it was warm but the heat was tangibly draining out. Her eyes glimmered with tears and she smiled at me without letting them fall. I blinked and she was gone, faded away with the others. Ashes floated over my hand and then disappeared altogether as I stifled a scream into my jacket, balled up on my lap. One tear fell from my eye. And then two. Then I was still, no movement in the car aside from the heaving of my chest. My mind tried to process the drastic change that had just occurred, but my head was empty. I swallowed a couple pills out of habit, my hand moving from my bag to my mouth on autopilot. Leaning uncomfortably over, I climbed into the passenger seat and parked the car, doing a decent job without knowing what I was doing. I pushed my bags into the backseat as I locked the car, pocketing the keys.

"I guess this is my car now," was the only thought that occupied my brain as I solemnly walked into the cafe to begin a new work day. A new day in general- once again, everything was different.