The Edge of Reality

Chapter 13: The Beginning of the End

I didn't see Mareo for a week and a half after that day, although we texted infrequently throughout that time. When we did see each other, it was with the group and filled with just as much weird tension as it was before. I had come to terms with the fact that it was going to be like this for a little while, and that I needed to give him the space to work whatever it was out, but it was hard on me regardless. After I broke down the first barrier of getting to Mara that night, she sought me out to hang out much more. In fact, I struggled to get enough sleep for work a lot of the time, and had to turn her down a couple times. It was always her, Dwyer and Camm, and occasionally someone else. She and Dwyer were pretty close, although not in a romantic sense, so Camm and I naturally gravitated towards each other and I got to know him pretty well. He and Des had appeared together years before and, although they weren't always very close, they had a natural friendship that spread through the group as well. He spent a lot of time alone, but that was his choice. As much as he liked socializing, sitting on his couch watching movies with his dog occupied much of his time. I'd never realized it before, but I felt a strong connection with him. Even when we didn't relate to each other on certain things, there was an unspoken bond that began forming. Even when we were with Mara and Dwyer, our attention was often turned to each other and we started spending time together without them as well. His apartment wasn't very far from mine- it was actually just a couple blocks away- so I started going over there several evenings out of the week after work. We never did much- just talked and watched random movies or TV shows, sometimes getting high- but it started becoming my favorite part of the day. I wondered if I enjoyed his company so much because I was starved for attention, but always denied the thought quickly. I'd never had the chance to get to know him one on one before.

"You know Tesha, when we first met I had a crush on you," he said one night while we were buzzed and in the middle of The Office. I stared at him- it was so sudden, where had that come from?

"Really?" I said, laughing a little bit- only based on the humorous smile he was wearing.

"I probably would have gone after you if Mareo hadn't."

"Huh, wonder how that would have played out." I tried to stay casual around the peculiar topic- I'd never noticed his attraction before and I didn't want to make a big deal about it.

"Sometimes I wish I had before he did," he said, looking at me now with his hazel eyes wide and innocent. I felt something in my chest, kind of like a flutter, but put it to rest right away. I was flattered, but wanted to avoid the subject at all costs. It was probably just the marijuana messing with his head... and mine. I didn't want to go down that sort of road with him- I enjoyed his companionship, but was not down for him to go stirring up shit about our feelings.

"Oh," I muttered, looking back the the TV and brushing him off. He got the message, because he didn't try to further discuss it. He did, however, move closer to me, so that our arms were just barely touching. The look in his eyes resonated within me and I wished he hadn't told me that, because now a curious picture was shaping inside my head of what might have been if we had gotten together. We would never know, so I tried to push those thoughts away, but in the absence of anyone else they kept sliding their way back in.

I saw Tahki about halfway through the Summer, when she agreed to come over and hang out with just me. We had been texting every other day or so, so we were up to date on each other's lives, but it had felt like we were a million miles apart. When I saw her again, it had been a couple months and I could tell she really had been sick. She'd lost a lot of weight- which is saying a lot because she wasn't heavy before- and her skin was an even paler shade of porcelain than it had been. She rushed through the doorway of my apartment to embrace me.