The Edge of Reality

Chapter 22: Redefinement

Two days after I got out of the hospital, I decided to go back to work. I had been given the week off to recover, but I needed money to avoid starving so I knew I had to go back. Aside from that, I would go crazy if I had any more time to myself. Uma was standing at the front of the cafe and surprised to see me when I walked through the door 10 minutes before my usual shift would start.

"What are you doing here?" she asked "You need to be home resting!"

"I'm feeling fine, Uma," I tried to take down her outburst a couple notches. "They patched me up well and I'm able to work today."

"Hmm," she clicked her tongue. "Only if you're up for it. You're really feeling okay?"

"Yes," I laughed softly to reaffirm my health. "The meds help a lot."

"I don't like you on those..." she trailed off. "Well, welcome back!" She moved over from behind the front desk so I could clock in. The day moved by quickly- I wasn't sure if the job had always been that fast paced or if I was just out of it. I snuck food from the kitchen every so often, but only leftovers from batches that were about to be thrown out. The food really helped my focus, and I felt much better by the end of the day. A full stomach, lot's of rest from the night before, a day filled with productivity and enough pills to dull my senses seemed to be enough to get me back to feeling okay, and I knew this "test day" would lead into a better week than I'd been having. Thus, my regular routine continued. It wasn't nearly as sad as it had been before, as I had some strong drugs to add to my daily pot habits. I was, however, gradually feeling lonelier than ever. I'd made it through the most dramatic moments like the betrayals, deaths and process of meeting new people, but it was still eating away at me. Despite the connections I'd made, my life was more centered around talking to them or planning things with them so I wouldn't be alone. I enjoyed their company and getting to know them, but they were the first crowd of individuals I'd met, and I wondered if I would be with different people if I tried harder at friendships. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't have even had the original group who was so far gone now- I would have gained a totally different experience in the world. It felt like all of them were so far gone, even though it had only been months or weeks (for some.) An unsettling pit of emptiness and maybe even despair settled in my stomach permanently, and I wondered when life would start getting better. It couldn't stay this difficult forever, could it?

Could it?