The Edge of Reality

Chapter 32: Blurring Repetition

If I thought my life was turning into a blur before, I would have been appalled by the next year. Uma only coddled me for a couple days before I was able to rent a small studio apartment near the University and buy a crappy car. It was a small beginning, but it was already far better than everything before hand- I was supporting myself. Naham was around so often he was practically living with me, and before long he actually moved in and split the rent, making it easier for me to afford the cost of living and even a few more luxuries. Audra and Lela continued to pop in and out of my life along with a few other people I met along the way, but I didn't get attached to anyone aside from Naham. It bothered me at points that I was so secluded- the thought of having a lot of close friends seemed so pleasant. At the same time, I was more comfortable like this. Everything was on my own terms, and I didn't need to rely on anyone for anything. In fact, others started relying on me more and more- I was elected to help plan events at the University and became even more of a leader in the general volunteer community. As proud of myself as I was for coming so far, as soon as each even happened to me, it quickly disappeared into the abyss of my mind. Sometimes Naham would bring up something that happened in the past, and I would struggle to remember it. It's not as though I were losing these memories, they just never entered my mind unless prompted. I supposed I was too focused on the present to ponder what was already past. When I did look back, it was generally at the far past- my first year or two of life. I tried not to let my regrets about my family and friends drag me down, but they still did sometimes. As close as I was to Naham, I couldn't help but constantly feel Mareo flitting through my mind on a daily basis. My emotional wounds did slowly heal the more I did with myself, and so did my physical ones. I never told my doctors about my stupid plots to stay on oxycodone, but I stopped picking at my scars and let them heal once and for all, weaning myself off the meds myself. I still indulged in light drugs a couple times a few, but stayed as far as I could from anything dangerous or addictive. With the passing of every season, I felt myself growing stronger and by the next Spring, I felt as though I had found myself. It was the most peculiar feeling, having wondered for so long why I was here. Even now I couldn't explain in words why I was alive, but I had a deeply-rooted sense that I was doing what I was supposed to.