The Edge of Reality

Chapter 31: Guardian Angel

As amazing as I knew I was making my future, I was very stressed in this time of my life. It was well into Autumn by now, and weariness tore at the edges of my consciousness. I had to get up very early, spend all day on my feet and get home at night very late. Even my volunteer time was getting cut into by the sheer exhaustion filling my life. My friends' presence was spotty, I was afraid of all of my roommates and there was no sign of change in the near future. I started breathing in my medications even more frequently than I had before, and that chipped away at my health further. I knew I couldn't keep this all up, but I wouldn't admit that to myself because I didn't know what else I would do. It wasn't until one cursed night that everything changed again. It was two in the morning and there was a loud rapping on my door. I didn't want to answer it, because I knew it was one of the abusive roommates, but it continued and I knew I had no choice. I cracked the door open, and there one of them was looking completely drunk, but as calm as ever.

"I kicked them out," he said calmly.

"O-okay," I said, unsure of what response he wanted.

"And I realize that he's not the problem- I am. I just don't think any of this is worth it," he went on. Uh-oh, this was not sounding good.

"Don't say that about yourself," stifling my exhaustion and trying to keep him from doing something crazy. "As hard as things can be, you're a good person and there's more to life than what it is right now." I felt like I was telling myself this at the same time.

"Well, thank you for that, but I've already made up my mind," he said. "I'm going to burn the house down. So when I start it up ... you better run." I stared at him blankly. There was a terrifying glaze in his eyes and I knew he wasn't kidding.

"Why would you do that?" I asked him, making my voice gentle. I would have to diffuse this before it got out of hand.

"I just... " he swayed on his feet and it was clear he was too drunk to function at all. "Oh nevermind, it's going to have to wait..." He stumbled back to his room, and I continued to watch him in horror. I wanted to believe it was just his drunk self that was threatening, but I didn't put it past him to actually send us up in flames. I didn't sleep that night, as much as I needed to. I packed up everything in my room because I knew I really might need to run. I skipped going to college the next day- the exhaustion was too much for me to make it to the bus stop. I called Uma and told her I needed to take a sick day, but she asked too many questions and found out what had happened before long. She hung up and was at my front door unannounced in less than a half hour.

"I'm taking you home with me," she said with a determined look in her eyes. "It's not safe here."

"Uma, I-" I had nothing. I didn't want to argue, both because I was too tired and couldn't refuse getting out of this hell hole.

"You know you can't keep this up," her face melted into concern. "Do you need help with your things?"

A plethora of responses rushed through my head and expression before I wearily said, "no, I'll be out in a minute."

She went back to her car and I began to grab my things as I smelled smoke vaguely filling the house. He was actually doing it. I wasn't sticking around to help. I banged on my roommate's door to simply tell him I was leaving and to check out the fire, or to at least get out. I was out the door before he even opened his, and Uma and I rushed out of the driveway, leaving that damned house forever.

I fell asleep in the car for the short ride to her house, and then again not two minutes after she showed me to the guest room with my things. I didn't wake up until the late evening, and I walked out of the room to find her sitting in the living room with her husband, watching a movie. I sat down near her, feeling too awful to look her in the eye.

"Thank you," I said quietly. "Thank you so much." She put a hand on my shoulder.

"Anything for you, dear," she said. "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. You can stay here as long as you need to." It was a tempting offer- I'd barely seen anything of their house or lifestyle through the blur of sleep, but I felt safer right there than I had in months. But I needed to figure this out on my own. I was stronger now- tired from this mess, but strong enough to stand alone.

"I'm going to get an apartment soon," I said, looking straight at her. "As soon as possible. I really appreciate this, and I need to get some steadier footing on my own."

And I did.