Cluttered

Missing You

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS A STUPID CRINGEY THING I WROTE TO GET OUT OF MY SYSTEM! IM SORRY FOR THE CRINGE.

Why do I still miss you? Why do I still crave your touch? I feel like I'm losing it, you're driving me nuts. This thing I have has been going on for 5 years now. I had you. I finally had you..and then I lost you.

I don't know if I broke your heart. You dropped me pretty fast. But that still doesn't mean I didn't tear you apart..I hope I didn't. You just moved on..so quickly.

But

I still hung on..I still am.

I was horribly upset. I didn't want to do that. Not at all..but I had to break it off.

I was attached and..I couldn't stand another break. Besides. Someone else wanted you..

And it was clear that you wanted them.

I don't know why I'm still hanging on. I don't know why I still burn with jealousy when you're around her.

You're her's..not mine.

I still want you. I miss your smile. I miss our awkward texts. I miss the moment we asked each other out. I miss your laugh, your jokes. I miss you.

But what I don't miss is a certain side of you.

I don't miss the fights we had after the break. I don't miss your hateful comments. I don't miss the times you've bashed me and your best friend for sticking up for me.

Your words still echo in my head:

"I don't care!"

"I never cared."

"You're a waste of space, worthless almost"

"You're acting like a psychotic bitch! You are a psychotic bitch!"

"Go to your cutter squad"

Why do I still miss you? Why do I still want you?

This year. It's like you never said a word to me, this year. It's like you never screamed horrible things at me , it's like you never talked about me horribly.

It's like you completely forgot, but I know you didn't. It's like you're trying to apologize.

I'm trying too.

But then suddenly..everything became surreal, everything..hit me, everything came crashing down.

You found someone else.

You found her.

You're happy with her.

You smile when you see her.

You hold her.

You laugh with her.

You spend time with her.

You defend her.

You adore her.

You like her.

And not me.

I know I'm being selfish. I know I'm being whiny. I know I'm the one who broke it all off. But it was obvious you didn't want me.

I don't know why I miss the boy who tore me apart. I don't know why I still miss the boy who used me as some play toy. I don't know why I still miss the boy who said he liked me.

So why do I still like you?