Cluttered

rant

this is gonna get a bit vulgar, with religion involved..and it's all over the place im sorry.

let me ask a simple question. Just a simple question. Why. Must. God. Take. The. Good. Ones? God..I don't know if he's real. I don't know if he exists. But if he does. I've lost all fucking faith in him and anything he does.

Do your fucking job.

Help us.

Like you said you would.

I know some people don't deserve it.

But for the kind, loving people that do.

Don't Fucking kill them off.

I'm so Fucking done.

With living.

With trying.

I've lost not only my faith in whatever is up there. But all my god damn faith in people. In giving people what they don't deserve from me.

I give away everything. Everything I hold close so it stays safe. And they promise to keep it safe.

But I always end up trusting the people with these things that usually commit the crime of killing it.

Killing me.

I'm so fucking tired. So fucking sad.

I never say that.

That I'm sad.

But I am.

And I don't need the constant reminder that I'm not okay. That I shut people out.

I know I shut people out.

I know I'm not okay.

I don't like talking about my feelings. I don't like crying. I don't like not being able to breathe.

I like breathing. I like smiling. I like not feeling the hands that I were supposed to trust, wrap around my throat, my lungs, my chest. And crush it.

I don't like falling.

I don't like crashing.

I don't like making everyone worry.

I don't like talking about it.

I don't like talking about how I'm not okay.

And I especially don't like hiding things from the people I love.

I'm so fucking done.

It's a shit fest.

All of it.

An absolute mess.

I'm so fucking sorry.