Cluttered

another dumb hopeless relationship tradegy that ive become sick of sometimes.

I wrote this shit on March 3rd. I'm using his real name. And if you notice, my dumb relationship poems happen frequently. But a lot of them are from past shit. This is still going on. Still recent. And I'm still stuck.
Enjoy.

Hurt.
The word hurt,
Is just one word.
One word that can't even describe emotions sometimes.

But it's a word we use.

I use it.
You use it.
It's a word to describe pain.

But I'm not in pain.
I'm alright.
I'm alive.

A month ago.
I fell for a boy.

Falling is something I do a lot.

This boy promised to catch me. To piece me back from my last crashing fall.
And I trusted him to do so.

But once he made this promise. He wasn't able to hold the girl who he was also trying to keep from falling.
I didn't want her to fall.
I didn't want to fall.
I didn't want him to fall.

This boy gave me hope.
I taught him a way of showing simple affection so that no one knew what we were doing.

He taught me what warmth was.

But he taught another what warmth was before I knew how cold I was.

He gave her the same hope..way before I even knew what hope was like.

I'm not hurt from the fall.
I'm not in pain.

When I fell. He held me for a bit.

And when the other girl got back up from him dropping her.
He dropped me.
To finally hold her..without struggle.

It didn't hurt.
I'm not in pain.

But when he dropped me
I felt what it was like to not breathe for a second.

I felt what it was like to have my heart fall and shatter
Again.

It didn't hurt.
Because I knew she had him first.
He deserves her, and she deserves him.

I took away her support so I wouldn't be lost again.
I didn't want nor did I ever want her support to fail.

I'm not hurt from the fall.
I'm not in pain.

But I am empty.

My heart lies shattered across this bloody floor
And I don't even know if I want to pick it up.

Maybe I'll leave it there for now.
And that's okay.

I'm not hurt.

I want him to be happy.

And I now know his mind has been made up.

He wants to pick up my glass heart to piece it back together.

He wants me now.

I'm not hurt.
I'm empty.

I miss the warmth he gave me.

But its hard. It's a civil war inside my head.

I'm cold.

But I'm not hurt.

I need to back away for now.
Cause once you shatter my heart.
You shatter my trust.

But that doesn't mean I don't want to hear your voice.
Or watch you smile.

I'm not hurt.
Only empty.

I can't forget.
I can't shove the image of text messages out of my mind.

I can't force myself to forget.
But I will shove it away for now.
Until I will myself to pick up the glass

I'm not hurt, Logan.

I'm only empty.