Cluttered

I need air

This is what I need to forget..please someone make me fucking forget everything I've ever done..anything..he's ever done..I wrote this a while back from my large ass break up..I can't seem to break loose from the guilt..he's my friend now..one of my best..but I still feel him watching over me..getting pissed if I talk to someone that isn't him..I don't want the guy back..never..but I still feel like a fucking bitch..and there's a lot of stuff I need to clear up..and just brush off..but I don't know what to do..have this shitty rant since my chapter above probably needed some explaining..

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I had stared down at this..mess I made
A mess of shattered pieces that were once my heart
It was disappointing..watching my own world fall apart
My throat felt..tight
I didn't want to clean it up..

Blue stained tears had hit the floor
And the idea of my hands getting cut up again seemed like an endless chore
What a mess

Sitting down on the glossy tile
My mind replayed my cries
I made a mess

I touched the dulled pieces
Hissing out
Feeling a choke bubble in my throat
As I heard the desperate drip of a bleeding hand
The white tile stained
My empty lungs constrict in pain
What a pathetic mess..

Freezing fingers had clenched against my palm
Silence suddenly feeling anything but calm
I cried out
Slamming my hands onto the floor
I can't do this anymore!..
What an absolute fucking mess..

Hours felt like days..
Sitting in my own fucked up cage..
The silence almost driving me fucking insane
I watch people's lips
I can't hear a single word slip

I feel people's arms around my shoulders
I can't feel the comfort anymore.

It's like I'm empty
Like I'm numb..
How utterly useless and wrong..

I feel wrong..