Cluttered

Feelings That I Hate

I'm scared

I'm scared of the concept
I'm scared of the attachments
I'm scared of losing somebody that I love
Even if the love is friendship or something else..
I don't think I'll classify this affection as love
Because honestly, I don't even know what love is.
I loved someone..and they ripped me to the bitter pieces that I am now.
You said you'd never do that though and..I've told you everything...
I'm scared...
I'm scared to like you..
But I'm scared to not be around you..
Once everyone is gone..I'll have nobody in that place..I'll be alone..
I don't go by 1 day without thinking about a conversation we had
I love every minute when we talk, when we talk about music and how we love the entire aspect, or the awkward little blush faces as we say 'thanks' to each other, or even the constant giggles and laughs I get every time we both make stupid jokes, hell, even when we rant to each other about something that happened previously or how cringy some people are.
I like how we both find it hilarious that people think we're dating already.
Even the band teacher thinks that.
You're driving me nuts
And I can't say it enough.
I'm scared to like anybody..
I don't know how to like somebody.
Once I finally feel I like someone and we date..something clicks and I don't know where the affection and admiration went..
Maybe it was me..maybe it was the lack of attention I gave..
I didn't give them enough so they tried to force the admiration we both had before..
I'm scared to do that to you
I don't want to be another ex that you'll talk about to someone else..
I don't want to hurt you
I don't want to hurt anybody..
I never meant to hurt anyone.
And I don't want one of them to be one of you..
I'm scared..to like you..but I'm scared to be without you..
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Here's another cringe 101..I'm sorry about that^ I need to get something out and I'm dealing with stuff at the moment..I'm not sad or anything..I mean I am but it's not too terrible:) I hope you guys will forgive this awful sporadic writing. It's 12:04 am and I hope you all didn't cringe too hard:))) I swear I'll post better stuff soon so please bear with me. Until then, loves!!
Ciao ~O~