SIX FEET UNDER THE STARS

06 - Why do memories hurt so bad

Chapter 6 - Alex

It made my heart warm when Jack called me from the hospital. I was sorry about his father, but the fact that he thought of me in that moment, that was really something. I was ready to go down there, but he said it's not necessary. So I went back to bed but I didn't sleep. I was waiting in case he calls again. At 3am I got a text saying Dad will be alright, he's staying in for a couple of days. I'm going home now. Thanks again for answering, I don't know many people that would. See you tomorrow, good night. My heart started racing. I had another friend besides Zack, but Jack doesn't know he's a special friend to me. He is obviously trusting me and that really made me happy. It must be that vibe I put out. My mom once said I was very charismatic and that people just open up when they talk to me. I'm very much like her. Well I was thrilled Jack told me all that personal stuff that stayed safe with me. I replied I told you it'll be alright. Anytime, now get some sleep and I'll see you tomorrow, good night :)
He replied with a smiley face. After that, I put my cell on the night stand and fell asleep in a second.

*

''Alex sweetoms, wake up.'' I heard my mom saying. ''It's 7.15, you're gonna be late.''
I got up. ''Morning.'' I murmured.
''Morning. Wow, you look drained. Did you stay up late?'' She asked, while picking up my dirty laundry.
''Uhm, no, a friend from school called me from the hospital.'' I was mumbling.
''Oh my, is everything alright?''
''Yeah, it was his dad. He just needed to talk to someone.''
''Oh Alex, our little helper. Now go get ready, breakfast is on the table.''
I was so happy that my family was like this, no problems, no arguing, especially after an incident when I was 7.

I put on my black skinny jeans and went with my plain white t-shirt. I also put on a beanie, because my hair was terrible. I picked up my red allstars and went into the kitchen. I put them on and started eating waffles with honey. Then I went to school. It was a nice sunny morning and it filled me with energy. I felt good.
''Alex!'' I heard someone yelling. I looked to my left and stopped breathing for a few seconds. It was Jack in his car.
''Oh, hey.'' I greeted him.
''Hop in.'' He said and opened the door for me from the inside. I hopped into the car and we drove off to school.
''How did you know I was going to leave at this time?'' I asked.
''I didn't. I was parked on the other side for 10 minutes and then I saw you leaving.''
My mouth widened into a smile.
''What did you mean with that text last night?'' I asked.
''With what?''
''That you don't know many people that would answer.''
''Oh, uhm... just that Rian would probably answer and well... you.''
''I always answer. I mean if someone needs help and they call you, you can help them. I think that's what makes a good friend.''
''Friends. Yeah, well, Rian is my only friend.'' He said. I could see a little sadness in his eyes but I said nothing.
''But you're so popular.'' Is the only thing I could say. Because he was. He was always surrounded with people.
''Those aren't my real friends Alex.'' Awkward silence was present again.
''I only have Zack. So I know how it feels being friendless. But I don't really need all those fake people. Zack knows me and accepts me for what I am, and likewise. Better one real friend than 10 fake ones.''
''You know, you're so right. Rian and I have known each other since kindergarten. He's the only one that really knows who I am.''
''See, isn't that great? Having a real friend.'' I said.
''What's great is that I started hanging out with you.''
I blushed and he noticed.
''I'll take that as thanks, the feeling is mutual.'' He said and laughed.
I was turning rainbow and just nodded.

*

''So for your homework, do assignments 3-5.'' The teacher said. I headed to my locker right after the bell rang.
''Hey.'' I heard Jack when I was going through my locker.
''Hi.''
''Listen, I was thinking and since I haven't told anyone else, would you mind coming to the hospital with me today? I hate going alone and mom is working.''
''Yeah, sure. What time?''
''Pick you up at 5?''
''Alright.''
''Thank you Alex, I owe you.''
''Don't worry about it. See you later.'' I said and went to my next class.

*

We were driving to the hospital, listening to music, saying nothing.
When we got there, I waited for Jack in the hallway when he went in to arrange something with the doctor.
There was a little boy walking around in Batman pajamas. He had no hair, was probably some kind of cancer patient. I was really bad with it, I was sympathetic and this kind of stuff makes me cry in a second. Since I was the only one in the hallway, he stopped and looked at me, smiling.
''Well hello there Batman.'' I said.
''Hi.''
''How are you doing, everything in order in Gotham City?'' I was really good with children.
''Yes sir.'' He was adorable, had big blue eyes, curiously looking at me, checking my wardrobe, bracelets, all the details.
''I like your bracelet.'' He said.
''Which one?'' I asked. I had several.
''This one.'' He pointed on the silver one with Tom's name and date of birth engraved in it.
''It's my favorite.'' I said.
''Why? Is Tom your boyfriend?'' He asked. I couldn't help but grin, he was also laughing.
''No, Tom is... well, was my little brother.'' I replied.
''Where is he now?''
''In a better place, I hope.'' My eyes started getting teary.
''Don't worry, I'll say hi to him when I go there.'' That was the breaking point when tears started running down my face.
''Don't cry.'' He said and wiped away a tear with his little hand.
''What's your name?'' I asked him.
''Jaime.''
''Hi Jaime, I'm Alex.'' I said.
''Nice to meet you Alex.''
''So, what did the doctors say about you?''
''They said I'm broken, I have cancer.'' I literally could not stop my eyes from getting teary.
''Are you getting treated?''
''Yes, but the doctors think I might be going to a better place soon.''
''I'm praying you won't. I promise I'll keep you in my thoughts. Okay?''
He nodded and raised his hand for a high five. I high fived him.
''See you around kid.''
''I sure hope not, this is a hospital.''
''Yeah, you're right. Get well Jaime.''
''Will try my best.'' He said and waved at me. He then left to his room. I was devastated. All my memories came back. I was only 7, but I still remember seeing Tom on his bed in the hospital and my parents crying. I was standing in the doorway, not knowing what was going on. More tears came running out and I couldn't stop. I sobbed into my palms like a little baby. Tom, he was 5, he was way too young to die.

''Alex, would you like to come in?'' Jack said and saw me sobbing.
''Oh my fuckin god, Alex! What's wrong?!'' He said out, running to me and pulling me into a hug a few seconds later.
''Alex, are you hurt, talk to me!''
''It's not me, it's my brother.''
''You have a brother?''
I nodded and he just held me. ''We'll talk later, just let it out.''
And I did, I cried my heart out. I was trying to forget that pain for a long time and for a while I forgot all about it. But seeing this little boy, it brought back all the shit I buried.
I just wasn't ready for this, wasn't expecting.
After I calmed down, Jack took me to the hospital café and I told him about Tom. When I was saying it out loud it hurt, very much. But after that I felt better.