SIX FEET UNDER THE STARS

22 - Regrets and Abuse

Chapter 22 - Alex

At first I thought we mixed up the rooms, because someone else opened the door. He was dressed in black, with the brightest red hoodie my eyes have ever seen. He looked very nice and called Josh babe. I connected the dots that it's probably his boyfriend and if not, they were definitely involved.

''I didn't catch your names.'' He said. ''I'm Tyler.'' He introduced himself.

''Oh, sorry... I'm Alex, this is Jack, my boyfriend.'' I said. He smiled at us.

''Aw, you look really cute together.'' He complimented us and I felt sick. This is Josh's boyfriend? How did he get this beautiful, genuinely nice guy with that stupid attitude of his? Maybe he really has changed.

''Thank you.'' Jack said and I just smiled back. Then Josh came to the door, wrapping his arm around Tyler's waist.

''Oh, Alex... hey. Jack...'' He said with a serious tone in his voice.

''Hey, Josh... can I speak to you in private please? It's important.'' I asked. I could see he was hestitating but I was hoping he would take a few minutes for me, since I was building up courage to do this for quite a while.

''Uhm, yeah. Come in.'' He said, signalling me to come inside. Tyler quickly caught up with the situation, looking at Josh, giving him a little warm smile.

''I'm gonna grab a quick drink with Jack here, leave you guys to it. See you later.'' He calmy said, grabbed his wallet and stuffed it in his back pocket. He then pressed a kiss on Josh's lips, heading out. ''It was nice to meet you Alex.'' He said and smiled.

''Yeah, you too, man.'' I replied, returning a grin. Jack waved at me, mouthing an I love you. I nervously smiled back at him, nodding. Palms were getting sweaty and my heart started racing, this was it. It's now or never, I had to do this for me, for Jack and somehow for Josh too. The door closed and Josh invited me to sit down on their small sofa.

''Sorry, it's a bit messy, still settling in.'' He said, picking up sweaters and hoodies, shoving them in the nearest closet. I assume the very bright stuff was Tyler's because Josh never liked wearing those colours. He was more black, red and white kind of guy. At least he was when we were hanging out.

''It's okay, our room is messy too.'' I chuckled, trying to hide my anxiety and the fact that my heart was pounding in my chest.

''So, this is a surprise, I thought you never wanted to speak to me again...'' He said, crossing his legs, leaning back on the sofa.

''Uhm, yeah... I was thinking about it and I, I t-thought t-that we need to t-talk this out...'' I was shivering, and not that kind that occurs when Jack is kissing me, it was the anxiety kind of shivering that made my vision blurry at times.

''Fuck!'' I muttered quietly.

''Alex, just breathe, deep, come on.'' He got closer to me, rubbing my back and the back of my neck gently.

''With me, one... two...three... deep breaths.'' His voice was soothing. I could actually see my hands shake and feel my whole body vibrate, when I got deja vu.

*Flashback*
''Alex, it's gonna be okay, come here!'' Josh was yelling and running after me.
''Alex stop!'' He was shouting but I kept on running. I kept running away from him, gasping for air, struggling with breathing. I suddenly tripped and fell to the ground, face down.
''Alex! Jesus Christ!'' Josh spat out, panicking.

''Are you alright, are you hurt? Let me check.'' He was saying but I wasn't listening. I didn't want to. All I could see in my head was my dead baby brother and my parents crying. I'm so sorry, the doctors were saying. This sentence was echoing in my head.