SIX FEET UNDER THE STARS

20 - Begging for forgiveness

Chapter 20 – Alex

I felt Jack's warm breathing on my neck as I was waking up from one of the best nights when it comes to sleeping. His hair was tickling my lips and I didn't want to move, I didn't want to wake him up. He looked so adorable, his arms wrapped around me, I could even feel a bit of drool on my collarbone. I had to pee really bad though. I was trying to move slowly, when I heard a voice.

''The best option would be kissing me, gettin up and coming back in a minute.'' Jack mumbled. Sometimes it surprises me how well he knows me.

''I'm sorry, I have to pee. Be back in a sec, I promise.'' I said and jumped out of bed after kissing his lips gently. I grabbed my sweatpants and a shirt and put on my giant tiger slippers. Yes, I'm technically still a kid.

''Rawr!'' Jack teased me. ''You're actually the only person I consider sexy in these slippers.'' He winked at me and smirked.

''I'm the only one that can pull it off, true.'' I laughed. I did rock that young adult look every time, maybe because I don't want to grow up just yet.

''I'll be back.'' I said and closed the door behind me. The bathrooms were pretty empty, people were outside, because the weather was great. I was the only one waking up at 1pm, washing up and craving breakfast when really it was lunch time. I looked at myself in the mirror, poking swollen bags under my eyes. Mornings aren't really my thing and I might've overslept. I looked like someone beat the shit out of me, minus the colourful bruising. I splashed my face with cold water, feeling the refreshing sensation on my skin. I felt better already. Or so I thought.
''Well well, I figured this sexy butt belongs to you Gaskarth.'' I heard a voice of a person I was avoiding, well at least hoping to.

''Oh, h-hey...Josh.'' I said and grabbed some paper towels. My eyes were scanning every inch of him except the eyes. I avoided eye contact.

''So how've you been?'' He camly asked me, like we were best friends for years. I didn't trust him anymore and I knew I never could again. He betrayed me in the worst possible way and on top of that, he left me, alone and helpless. If it weren't for Zack, I would crash and burn. I was really hurt. He hurt me!

''Oh, I've been great, why are you asking?'' I replied.

''Well you were my babe once, I care about you and...'' He said and I interrupted him.

''Fuck you Josh. You don't care about anyone but yourself, you made that very clear when you lied about me.'' I spat out. I wasn't yelling though, I spoke pretty calmly. But I could see he was surprised, the old Alex never talked back to him, he never interrupted him. The old Alex never stood up for himself.

''I did... I do care about you Alex. I'm sorry about what happened back then...'' He said but I didn't let him finish, I didn't wanna hear it.

''A little too late, your apology means nothing to me now. I almost got raped because of you!'' I said loudly. ''Do you have any idea what you've done to me? Are you serious right now...''

''Alex, please, don't yell at me. I didn't know, I swear, I was just a stupid kid!'' He tried defending himself.

''That was 2 years ago, what's wrong with you!'' I said. I was upset because he clearly doesn't even realize how much damage he's done.

''I'm sorry okay!'' He raised his voice. I shut up and looked into his eyes. I could feel tears forming in my eyes but I didn't let them out. I couldn't cry in front of him, not anymore.

''Be sorry all you want. Just leave me and Jack alone. Except the basic hello and goodbye in front of Vic and the others, you will NOT communicate with us, is that clear?'' I asked. He nodded and opened his mouth, he wanted to say something, but I left the bathroom before he could. I just didn't want to hear it. I walked back to the room, tears wanting to gush out but I swallowed them down. I won't give him the satisfaction, I won't cry because of him. I entered the room, slowly closing the door behind me. Jack was reading something on his phone, I could tell because he had glasses on. His eyes found mine and immediately he knew something happened.

''Josh?'' He asked, his eyebrows moving up, his eyes giving me a worried look. I nodded and rolled back into bed, craving to be in his warm embrace he was already offering.
''Was it bad?'' He asked, slowly stroking my hair. My face was buried in his neck where I felt the safest. His skin smelled like vanilla, even when he wasn't wearing any perfume.
''He said he was sorry, asked me how I've been.'' I quietly mumbled.

''Well, that's unexpected.'' He said and pressed a small kiss on my forehead.
''Did he say anything else?'' He then asked.

''No, I left after that. I just couldn't hear it.'' It was true. Even the sound of his voice reminded me of that time. I could smell his enchanting scent even when he wasn't standing close to me. I could see his eyes squinting slightly when he smiled at me. I could still remember him being on top of me, letting out hot little breaths, kissing my lips. And then he made all the good things disappear when he made up those terrible lies, just because I wasn't sure I was ready to be his. I got scared, I was just a kid. I barely knew what I was doing, I was accepting myself and he was my first, I loved him with all my heart.

''It's okay Alex.'' He pulled me closer to him. ''Have you... maybe considered forgiving him? Getting over this once and for all?'' He added.

I haven't been thinking about that at all, not now or ever. Since he left I thought I'd never see him again. But here he was, in my dorm, hanging out with the same people as me, running into me constantly.

''Not really. Not in a million years I thought I'd see him again.'' I replied.

''Would you consider it now?'' He asked. I must say he had a point. It was pointless, me being upset whenever I hear his name, whenever I think of him or see him.

''Maybe.'' I said. Maybe I'll look up his room number and go talk to him. Maybe I should end this chapter already, the old Alex is long gone and this needs to be gone with him.

''Talk to him, spare no words, tell him how he made you feel... what he's done to you. Better be done with it. The sooner it is, the better. Then we can get this year started, focus on school and our little love cave, what do you say?'' He said and pressed a kiss on my lips.

I nodded. He was right, this is now and I have no space for things that belong in the past.

''You're right. Thank god I have you, I don't know what I'd do without you.'' I said and returned the kiss.

''Yeah, I've heard that a few times already.'' He smiled at me and pecked my cheek.

''And you're gonna hear it even more in the future, I mean it. You make me wanna be a better person, not just for myself, but for you... for us, and I love you Jack. With everything I am.'' My palms cupped his face, our lips connected again, my tongue begging for an entrance. He gladly accepted and kissed me back, even more passionately than before.

The get-together at the skate park was cancelled since almost everyone got mono, I don't even know how it spread that fast. I called Vic and wished him a speedy recovery, promising we'll get together for some drinks as soon as they feel better. Me and Jack stayed in, watching shitty horror movies and cuddling a lot. We didn't even feel like going out for dinner so we ordered some pizza and had sex twice. Jacks hands were all over me, one on my neck, while he was kissing me, the other stroking my dick while he was slowly sliding it in. Having sex with Jack is like some kind of a chemical reaction. Everytime he pushed it inside me, he sent chills down my spine, causing me to shiver and exhale hot breaths of air. His kisses made me feel like I was on the good kind of high and he always knew exactly what to do to turn me on, he knows all my sweet spots.

He was panting, throwing himself next to me in his post climax moment, pulling me into a hug. He never let me leave the bed when we both came. I remember how Josh always ran to the bathroom, in need to shower.

Jack was different. It was so surreal, because 2 years ago I'd probably laugh at someone if they told me I'd be lying in bed with Jack sometime in the future.
But here I am, in his warm and sweaty embrace, smelling his vanilla scented skin I'm pressed up against. His warm body on mine, his lips available for kissing anytime I want.
Jack is my happy place.