SIX FEET UNDER THE STARS

21 - Emotions and confrontation

Chapter 21 - Jack

A few days I spent with Alex in bed, watching movies, cuddling and having sex, flew by like seconds and all of a sudden it's Sunday and tomorrow we have classes for the first time. I was a little anxious, meeting new people wasn't really a problem for me but this is college. I might be very uncool, unlike in high school. Alex already skyped with his parents, his mother was crying but wishing us luck on our first day. She was unbelievable, but I really adored that she cared so much for Alex and well, now for me too.
Zack sent us a video of him surfing and having a blast in Florida, Alex misses him like crazy, I could see it when we were watching the video, his eyes got a little teary.
I skyped Rian, he was just chillin in his dorm with his roommate that was teaching him the basics of guitar playing, I was laughing my ass off! He's so not a guitar guy. Anyways, we all agreed to get together back home for Thanksgiving, which is in a bit more than two months.

Things were going great, Vic and the rest of the crew finally got over that mono shit that was spreading around and we got together for some drinks. Alex was settling in fine, the only thing he has been delaying is talking to Josh. Josh has been around when we were having drinks but he only said hello and didn't speak to us until we said goodbye. I mean don't get me wrong, I'll always back Alex up, but I could see the way Josh acted in his presence.
He didn't want any trouble and even I could see he was sorry. So I talked to Alex about it and even though the first time he seemed reasonable, he now completely freaked out.

''Since when are you feeling sorry for him?'' He spat out. I was in no mood to argue, I hated arguing. It never made anything better, no problems were solved when people were screaming at each other.

''That's not what I'm saying. You can't cling to that forever, people make mistakes!'' I said. He was just looking at me, confused and still angry. He sat down on the bed and crossed his legs. Strangely, I had some kind of influence on him that nobody else had. I didn't want to manipulate him but I knew that this can't go on forever.

''But he hurt me.'' He quietly said with his head down, looking at his feet, playing with his fingers nervously. I felt bad for him, I did. But he'll feel much better if he talks to Josh and gets everything off his chest.

''I know Alex, I do. I understand you completely.'' I said and approached him slowly. I took a seat on the bed right next to him and put my hand on his back, rubbing it to make him feel better. ''You just have to talk to him and get this out or it's gonna keep hurting.'' I continued.

He knew I was right, he was just scared. He thought he'd never see Josh again and buried all his feelings from back then. But they started surfacing again when he ran into him.

''I'm so scared Jack, I know I have to talk to him but I'm afraid to face everything, to face him.'' He spoke quietly. Alex is such an emotional person but that's one of my favorite things about him. ''I can still smell him, even when he's not standing near me. What's wrong with me? You're suppose to hate someone who hurt you like that.'' His voice started breaking and I pulled him closer, into a hug. He was crying.

''It's okay babe, you loved him, you still have certain feelings for him and you always will. There's nothing wrong with that.'' I said. I really did understand him. When Stella left me, I felt like I couldn't get up and on with my life, I thought I'd be hung up on her forever. I will always be thankful to Rian for being there for me, kicking me in the butt, making me get out there and move on. Alex never really got over Josh and I felt obligated to encourage him to face him and his emotions. He needs to clear things up.

''But I don't wanna ruin anything with you. I was so afraid you'd find someone else here and leave me and I'll just be another college dropout.'' He was sniffling, his face pressed against my chest, his hands squeezing me more.

''Stop it, you're not a college dropout and you never will be. You're so smart Alex, it makes me sad when you belittle yourself like this.'' I wish he could see himself with my eyes, I don't think he'll ever fully understand how much I admire and appreciate him. ''You're not gonna lose me, ever. I think you need to talk to Josh, so don't worry, okay? Clear your mind, don't be afraid and go find him. If you want, I can escort you there.'' I offered.

His brown eyes looked at me, he wiped his tears away and cleared his throat.
''I'd like that.'' He then said. ''Thank you Jack and sorry for being such a downer all the time.'' He pouted and leaned his head on my shoulder.

''Not to worry, in good and in bad, right?'' I smiled at him and he finally returned it. I didn't even have to look at him, I could feel his cheeks moving and he let out that little chuckle he always does when he shyly smiles at me. I don't think I've ever loved anybody as much as I love Alex and I don't think I'll ever be able to. He makes me feel invincible, you know, like I could easily take all of the Avengers at once. That means that with him by my side I could pretty much do anything, I just love him so fucking much.

We got our bacpacks ready for the next day's classes, our outfits were already set, well... Alex picked out his, I was being lazy and decided to leave it for the next morning.

---

Alex was sitting on the bed, nervously chewing on his fingernails. Earlier, I went down to the lobby to ask for Josh's room number. His room was even in the same floor as ours, what a coincidence, huh?

''You ready?'' I asked Alex. He turned his head, nodding hesitantly. ''Of course you are, why am I even asking.'' I tried encouraging him.

''Come on, I'll walk with you.'' I said and gently took him by the hand. I saw a spark in his eyes and a change in his face expression.

''I can do this.'' He said while standing up.

''I never doubted you, come on, I'll take you out later, ok?'' I said. He took a deep breath, inhale, exhale.

''Ok, sure. Let's get this over with.'' He said and grabbed me by the wrist. All of a sudden I was following him down the hallway. I knew he would build up the courage for it. We walked past dorm rooms, stopping at 203.

''Thanks for coming with me Jacky.'' He said, gently pressing a kiss on my lips. He knocked on the door and let go of my hand as it was opening.

''Yeah?'' Said someone who was definitely not Josh. ''Hi!'' He greeted us.

''Hey!'' I said confused and I think so was Alex.

''You need something?'' The brown haired guy asked. He had such a babyface, even more than Tony and I thought that's impossible.

''Yeah, is this Josh Dun's room? I need to talk to him.'' Alex then said.

''Yeah, just a sec.'' The guy said. He was wearing such a bright red hoodie it made my eyes hurt a little. He took a few steps back.

''Babe, someone's asking for you.'' He yelled. ''He'll be right with you.'' He added and smiled.

Babe? Ohhh... okay.