Understand Me [Ereri/Riren] [MAJOR RE-WRITING]

Losing Myself

Now it had all sunk in. He had no one. No one knew the real him no one saw his real smile, or heard his real laugh.

 Eren went to school everyday, talked to his friends, did his work. As he’d expected, no one noticed. No one saw his smile slip away when they turned their heads, or how he walked with his head down. Occasionally he’d see Levi in the hallway. Awkward eye contact, turning away, feeling ashamed.

 On Levi’s end, his parents had come home more often. They got different jobs, and were home often. Levi was happy about it, he’d finally have his parents home.

 With Eren constantly hiding in his room all day, he’d skipped out on the fun things. He was invited, but let’s not forget. His friends don’t really know him. At this point he’d rather not go, he’d rather stay home instead of faking a smile for hours. Or pretending to have fun. He was almost happy for this feeling. He knew that pretending to be the happiest kid on earth would only burn him out in the long run. This way, he’d saved himself from long term damage. Well, maybe not saved himself. He’d replaced it with a new issue. Eren realized he was all alone, and always had been. For him, the pathetic part was that he never noticed. One simple solution, be yourself. But it wasn’t that simple. Eren’s self was completely different from what he came across as. He wasn’t always polite, he didn’t always want to listen to everything an adult tells him to. Eren wanted to express himself. Eren’s true personality was that of someone who was daring. But he had to hold that in for so long that he felt it slipping away. He was losing himself.

  Was it something else holding him back? Or was he just afraid of what people would think when the shy polite guy acted different. After years of conforming to the rules. Listen to your parents, listen to teachers, he’d have to let all of his mistakes go at once. The worse part for Eren was that he knew what he was doing. He knew that he was slipping, tripping over the empty beer bottle on his bedroom floor. He also knew that there was nothing he could do about it, and that made him feel weak. If Eren knew one thing about himself, school personality or not, he hated the feeling of being defenseless, not being able to do a thing for himself, and that saddened him even more.

He was weak against his own mind. He couldn’t do anything to stop the feeling of being alone. He’d reached the point where he realized that he’d always be alone. No one would ever truly see his personality. Eren felt weak because he knew that he could never reveal his traits while first meeting someone; we’re all too afraid of judgement to do that. With that, wouldn’t it mean that the other person wasn’t showing their true self as well?

 This is why Eren struggled. He thought at the wrong times about the wrong things.

Damn, I need to get a grip.

____________________

Ayy there's an update! I hope you liked it ;)

Comment what you thought..

Here!

Until next time ❤

_________________________