The End Can't Come Soon Enough

Chapter Seven (pt 2), I'm here to help

(Cas' POV)

Here I sit, on the bathtub, waiting for Gabe's return.  I can barely see or move right now, but I still managed to take off my shirt.  I have to lean against the wall for support.  Everything hurts like hell, but now it's died down and it's somewhat bearable.  My head is throbbing, but it hurts both inside and outside.  I've noticed the blood slowly trickling down my cheek, I've already wiped it once or twice.  I quickly grab a dark brown hand towel and place it over the spot that is bleeding.  I'm not freaked out by this at all; it's not like this hasn't happened before.  This one was bad, but he's bruised my face worse than this.  He's kicked me harder than this.  It could always be worse.  Please have it worse than me, some people have been beat to death.  My father was nice enough to just kick me and say a few mean words.  I'll be fine, distant for a while, but fine.

~~~~~~~~~~

Gabe came back with the "ice pack," which ended up being a bag of peas. I look up at him, or at least try.  It's hard to see without my glasses.  I tried to speak louder than the last time I spoke.  "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" He replied with some confusion.

"Helping me, don't you hate me?"

He honestly looked hurt when I said that.  I know he doesn't care, he never has.  Just like Dad never has, or anybody else.  Nobody will.

That is when I lost it.  I broke down and started crying, all these emotions, I couldn't hold it back.  I tried to talk through my crying, but it didn't work;  They just came out more choked and mumbled.  Please just kill me right here and now, I don't think I should be here anymore..

He brought me into an embrace and rubbed my back lightly.  "Shh... I have you... I don't hate you... I-I don't know why I come off like that.  I'm sorry Cas.. I really am.." 

"This hurts..." I said with tears running down my face.  He let go quickly and crossed his arms.  "I'm sorry for making these assumptions.. it just seems like it was hatred and other things.."

"I should have just.. talked to you..  I don't show my emotions in a good way... I'm still coping.."

"Ok.."  I sighed and wiped the tears away from my face and calmed down more.  "I'm sorry, lets just be close again?" I said while taking in a few deep breaths.

He nodded and hugged me again.  Hesitantly I hugged back and sighed.  "I think we might have to wash your hair before you go to bed.. there might be a puncture and anything could happen.."  I nodded.  He got the water running and told me to stick my head under it so he could wash it for me.  I carefully put my head over the edge and he washed it, gently massaging my scalp.  Then he ran across a spot that made me wince and cry out in pain.  It must have been where Dad kicked me.  He carefully cleaned it and said that I should be fine and that I should eat then go to bed.  He also told me that if I need him throughout the remainder of the night that I should just go to him.

~~~~~

I've ate the small meal Gabe brought up for me and thanked him for that.  But I couldn't fall asleep.  I just sat there in the dark just staring at my ceiling.  I can feel Queen at my feet, quietly sleeping.  These thoughts won't leave, it's all Dad and the things he's done and I can't get over it, it hurts oh so much.  Maybe music will help with this.. maybe help me fall asleep.. or feel these emotions properly. 

I plugged in my headphones and sat there listening to some piano music.  Maybe this will help, maybe it will make me cry more.  I took a few deep breaths.  I cried a few times, but eventually fell asleep. 

This was a dreamless night.  I wish this didn't have to happen.  Sometimes I wish I had a different family, but doesn't everybody.  I'm sorry to those that have to deal with me, I don't mean to put that burden on you.

I will try to change, but I can't promise anything.. I can't control me anymore.