VII: journal entries

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The Do-Not-Disturb button had to be one of the greatest creations of all time. It was useful for silencing notifications as you slept, but more importantly it was incredibly useful when you were trying to ignore certain people. The Do-Not-Disturb button's sister, "Read Receipts off" was equally as helpful.

The past few weeks I have intentionally been ignoring and blowing off plans with Derrick. He always asks to go out for dinner, insisting he would pay. His texts and voicemails consisted of "Princess are you alright? Why aren't you answering?" and "Good morning beautiful." All of which are endearing, but not from him. I cringed when his name popped up on my phone. I cringed at everything he had to say. It had nothing to do with looks. On the outside, he was great, but on the inside he was an insecure, overly-clingy, needy young boy. He just wasn't my type. But I had no idea how to tell him that we should stop seeing each other. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend, but if anyone were to ask me what we were, I would tell them we were seeing one another for sure.

Ohh, I cringed. I didn't want to be associated with him anymore. It was cruel to think that because he was so kind and selfless, but God, was he ever irritating!

I was going to do it. I was gonna call him and tell him I'm not interested anymore. I'm gonna do it.

No i'm not.

I plopped back onto my bed and let out a big sigh. I looked at my phone and deleted all the message notifications from Derrick

"Good morning beautiful"
"Whatcha doing today?"
"Want to have a picnic by the water?"
"Princess are you okay?? :("
"Beautiful let me know!!"

Ugh. I felt bad for ignoring him so I thought the least I could do was give him an explanation.

"Sorry Derrick. Been in a funk lately. Just some drama with friends and school. Talk to you later okay?" It was a lie. I clicked send. Within seconds he responded with;

"I understand. Feel better soon. <3"

With that, I got up out of my bed and got ready for school. I felt happy because not only was today the last day before Winter break, it was the day I would be going on a "date" with Mr. Styles.

I had butterflies in my stomach. Mr. Styles assured me that nobody would ever know, but my mind still finds its way of worrying.

I went with an oversized knit sweater and leggings. I knew I would have the opportunity to change later this evening, so I wanted to be comfy for today.

--

I entered my first period class; art history. I took my seat as I do every day and took out my notes. The teacher at the front began her lesson and moved at a swift pace.

I copied down the notes to the best of my abilities. About twenty minutes into class, there was a knock on the door. It was Professor Golias. He whispered something into the teacher's ear, and then left.

"Miss... Alaska Dwyer?" All heads turned to face me as my name was called.

"Mr. Styles would like to see you in his room. You are dismissed from your morning classes." She said again. Murmurs of "No fairs" and "Why her?'s" were said amongst my classmates.

I quickly gathered my belongings and exited the classroom as fast as I could, ignoring the death stares from everyone.

I walked down the halls as fast as I could without running, and then took the flight of stairs to my right. When I arrived to his door, I knocked impatiently. I don't know why I was in such a rush. There was nothing to rush for.

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