Ch. 18
I'm standing in the middle of a large, dark room. I can hear people whispering things, but I can't see them. I can't see anyone. The whispering grows louder and faster, and just when I'm about to scream, a bright light shines on my eyes.
I wince, then open my eyes slowly. The room is brightly lit now, and instead of threatening whispers I hear the soft murmur of conversation. I look around.
All around me are hundreds of people, dressed in ball gowns and tuxedos. The women are wearing expensive jewelry for all to see and admire, the diamonds sparkling with light.
Looking up, I see the magnificently painted walls, the large staircase leading up to the second floor, the huge chandelier hanging directly in the middle of the ceiling, diamonds covering every inch. I'm awestruck.
Finally, as my eye catches the sleek black floors, I catch myself. I'm wearing an expensive tuxedo with a silk red tie.
I quickly make my way to the bathroom, where I shut the door and look myself in the mirror.
My hair is shorter. Instead of having my bangs covering my left eye, it's gone, with my black mass tousled in a gorgeous way.
My eyes are the same silverish shade in one eye, and a darker ocean blue hue in the other. My jaw is nice and square, my face angular. I've got a five 'o clock shadow as well.
I touch my face gingerly, stroking my stubble in amazement. This is me. I reach to touch my chest. It's flat. I touch my pants. There's a definite lump there. I can't believe it.
I leave the bathroom and bump into a red dress with brown hair.
"Fuck, I'm sorry," I say, then the girl turns and looks up at me, taking my breath away.
"Felix," Hannah gasps, "I've been looking for you." She grabs my hand and pulls me to the dance floor. Ballroom music is playing, so Hannah and I start to ballroom dance.
"You look beautiful," I state simply, awestruck by her breathtaking appearance. I hold her hand as she twirls before coming back into my arms.
"Thank you. You look amazing too," she replies, gazing up at me with her bright honey-colored eyes. I see she's still got her nose ring in, even in a place like this, and I smile.
"What is it?" She asks, tilting her head just slightly and furrowing her brow in curiosity.
"You're still wearing your nose ring, even in such a fancy place. Why not the stud?" I ask.
Her face flushes bright pink and she looks away from me, muttering softly, "You like it better on me."
"I like anything on you. I'm just a ring person."
"Yeah, exactly."
"Oh."
I look around in surprise as the lights grow dim, and a different song begins to play. I recognize it and hold Hannah close to me and look her in the eyes as I sing:
I will never stop trying
I will never stop watching as you leave
I will never stop losing my breath every time I see you looking back at me
I will never stop holding your hand
I will never stop opening your door
I will never stop choosing you, babe
I will never get used to you
Tears form in her eyes and she holds my face in her hands. As the song continues, she begins to cry.
"I love you so much," she sniffles.
I look her in the eyes for a long moment. "I love you too baby. You are my universe, my everything. That will never change. You will always take my breath away when I see your face, just like it was the first time in ninth grade," I answer, then grab one of her hands and intertwine our fingers. "I will always want to hold your hand. You'll always get my heart racing when you look at me, you'll always get my heart fluttering and skipping beats when we kiss. None of this will ever change. I love you."
She starts crying even harder, then gets up on her toes to kiss me passionately. I lean in to meet her lips with mine, but we are cut off as someone shoves me.
I fall on the ground, and people laugh. I recognize those laughs. I look up to see Josh, one of Hannah's ex's, holding her hand and grinning evilly at me. She's looking at him calmly.
I open my mouth, but am stopped from speaking by Dylan, Hannah's other ex, coming from behind her and Josh and grabbing her other hand. She smiles as they stick her hands in their pants.
My mouth hangs open in disbelief. I see Hannah's hands moving in their pants and look away, gagging.
"See what you're missing? You've got no dick. There's no way she doesn't miss this. Every girl likes dick, and you don't have one. Of course she'd be all over us," Josh growls, moaning a bit.
I look up at his face and him and Dylan are in pure ecstasy. I look at Hannah, and she's biting her lip lustfully, looking from Josh to Dylan.
"You aren't a boy. You don't have a dick. You'll never be a boy, tranny," Dylan barks, his eyes rolling back into his head.
'But I am,' I think, reaching down into my own pants. The lump is gone. I slide my hand back up to my chest. It isn't flat anymore. I reach up to touch my face. It feels smooth, baby-soft, no facial hair.
"No," I whine, feeling my hair is wavy and long, and blonde. "No."
"Yes. You don't deserve her. You don't deserve anyone, dyke. You should die, you're an abomination. But hey, at least you made her see that she needs this dick. You drove her straight to us," Josh said.
"No, no, no, no, no," I whisper. It's gone. I'm not a boy. I'm a girl again. "This can't be. I had it. I had it. Where'd it go?"
"You never had anything. You never will. You'll always be a freak. A tranny. Dyke."
***
I sat up quickly, gasping for breath. Hannah sat up beside me, and after she rubbed her eyes, she looked at me.
"What's wrong?" She asked with a tired yawn.
I shook my head. "Just a bad dream."
"Do you wanna talk about it?" She pressed, seeming a bit more alert.
"No. I'll tell you about it later," I assured her, then laid her down, then I lay down beside her, wrapping my arms around her securely. "Let's just go back to sleep."
She nodded, then settled into my embrace, and soon she fell back asleep. I listened to her breathe softly for a long time as I stared into the darkness of our room. As I heard Josh's and Dylan's words echo in my head, I soon fell back asleep. That time I didn't dream of anything.
