Our Own Ending (Jeffmads Punk!Thomas and Nerd!James)

-16- James

I open my eyes slowly to find a sleeping Thomas beside me. I look around sleepily, we were still on the couch. The television was on and the lights were off just like we had it.
I sit up. Almost instantly I'm pulled back down by Thomas.
"Thomas wake up." I poke his cheek and he groans.
"Fine. I'm awake." He still doesn't move. But aleast his eyes are open now.
I wrap my arms around him and lean up to kiss his cheek.
"There's something I need to tell you." Thomas looks at me with sensitive eyes. Oh god I could just melt.
"What is it?" I ask very curiously.
"I'm going to Paris for 3 months of treatment." My eyes widen and I take a second to process the information.
3 months is the longest we've ever spent without seeing each other. I won't see him and god knows if he'll cheat on me. What if while he's gone he realizes how clingy and bad I am at relationships.
"James?" I snap out of my thoughts and look at him with a smile.
"That's great I'm happy you're going." I was happy, but also sad. Ok, like 40% sad but the rest is happy, "When exactly are you leaving?"
"Tomorrow." He looked away and sighed, "Sorry I didn't tell you yesterday."
"I-It's fine." I wasn't sure how I felt. I felt selfish for wishing he won't go.
"Well I should probably go start packing, bye." He kisses my forehead and leaves.
I watch him walk out the door. When I hear the door shut I run up to it and lock it. Quickly, I walked to my bathroom and looked in the cabinet.
After some time of looking I found it. My razor. I hadn't realized I started crying until I looked into the mirror at myself.
I look down to my forearm and put the razor against my skin. I've gotten used to the pain by now. I cut over my scars of previous times.
Honestly I didn't know why I was doing this. I had the urge to, like I deserve it.
I set the razor down and sit on the bathroom floor. Blood was smeared on my arms and on my hands. I softly rest my head against the wall and cry quietly.
Suddenly the door opens and I hear footsteps down the hall.
"..James? I forgot my jacket." It was Thomas. I could tell by the voice. It was soft and powerful. He walks closer to the bathroom and knocks, "James are you ok?"
I didn't answer. My throat was burning from crying so much. I close my eyes and frown.
"James I'm coming in." I open my eyes again and hide the razor back in the cabinet. My dry my tears quickly and look back in the mirror. God I look like a mess.
Thomas walks in, "James what are you doing?"
I look back at him, "I w-wasn't doing anything,"
"James why are you crying?" He walks closer to me with worry in his eyes.
"I don't know." I lied I knew why I was crying.
Thomas look at my arms then back at me, "James, please don't tell me you were cutting yourself." He had a lot of seriousness in his voice.
I couldn't hold it in anymore. I dropped to my knees and started crying. My vision was blurry from all the tears but I saw Thomas kneeling in front of me.
"James..Is this about Paris?" He hugs me, I could tell he was confused by the tone of his voice.
"I'm sorry." That's all I could say. It's all I wanted to say.